#1
I think it's to late
to change my
feelings about you,
it's the same story
every time I see you

I just want to spread
my wings and fly
get away from this place,
away from this time
...that I have to spend with you

why do you act the
way you do, like you
have no respect for
yourself, grow up,
move on with your life

I wish my feelings
were different but...
shortstuff
#2
Quote by roxygirl

I think it's to late
to change my
feelings about you,
it's the same story
every time I see you
For some reason when i read this first part i just thought of Blink 182 lol, flows good.

I just want to spread
my wings and fly
get away from this place,
away from this time
...that I have to spend with you
Chorus, i presume. The periods are unnecessary. The last line doesnt fit due to lack of rhyme, but the first 4 lines sound pretty good.

why do you act the
way you do, like you
have no respect for
yourself, grow up,
move on with your life
Not sure about this part, doesnt flow to well and could use more original lyrics.

I wish my feelings
were different but...
But what? it just sorta leaves the song/poem in a hang.


Overall good but could use a little more original word use

(6.5/10)
Birdie Birdie in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like Sugar, Tastes like sap.....OMG ITS BIRDIE CRAP!
#3
Quote by roxygirl
I think it's to late
to change my
feelings about you,
it's the same story
every time I see you

I like this verse...i dont like that you rhymed you with you, but it does work well in this stanza.


I just want to spread
my wings and fly
get away from this place,
away from this time
...that I have to spend with you

Over all, i like this too, the thing I dont like is the cliche of the whole "spreading my wings and flying away" thing, but since that is basicly what the song is about, theres not much to change there.

why do you act the
way you do, like you
have no respect for
yourself, grow up,
move on with your life

I dont realy fancy this verse at all, it breaks the flow you created with the first 2 stanza. I think you should keep the first sentence and rewrite from the word "do"

I wish my feelings
were different but...


Like it was said before, it does leave an unfinished feeling to the poem/song, but honestly I like the effect it has.


crit for crit? mines titled "An Attempt to Revive", on the first page.