An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer-you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake--he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

pretty funny.

Took me a minute to get it. But yeah. All lawyers live in Satans AnalCrabs
that was freakin hilarios
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something

twitter: @victorstaygold
There was a preist who died and went to heaven.

The preist found out when arriving at the gates of heaven , depending how faithful you were to your wife/husband in life you get a type of vehical to drive around heaven in. When he gets to St Peter, the preist asks how faithful he was:
St Peter smiles and says he never cheated in his life and was given a beautful Porsche 9/11 and the preist happily drove into heaven.
He decided to try and find his wife who died a few years before, so when driving on a Heaven Highway, he noticed someone behind him flashing and telling to pull over.
The Preist pulls over and find out the guy pulling him over was a local friend and another preist who died 5 years ago and is driving a Ferrari. He hugs the preist with the Porsche and says:
"Glad to see you again, but i just saw your wife earlier, i'm afraid i spotted her car...It was a Reliant Robin...."
I haven't heard that one. I thought my mate had gone through all the lawyer jokes.

He'll be disappointed when he finds out he missed one.

...and a good one at that.
Rhythm in Jump. Dancing Close to You.

Quote by element4433
Yeah. people, like Lemoninfluence, are hypocrites and should have all their opinions invalidated from here on out.