#1
I know a man who could pass for an angel,
But he's really the devil instead.
He's golden hair and lips of ruby,
But his heart's poison'd heavy as lead.

Eyes so blue as far horizons,
Soul, much nearer to itself.
I know a man with no conscience
Who tells of ev'ry innocence.

I know a man who could pass for the devil,
But he's really an angel instead.
He's dirty nails and rag-ged hair,
But his heart's like a feather gild-ed.

Eyes, the hard chill'd grey of steel,
Hands that give but caloused (sp?) feel.
But for ev'ry mudstained angel
There's a dozen devils in halos


Now I know some of the ending gets messy, with that "I only wrote the extra verses to fill in space" feel, but I've tried anyway. Help? C4C

EDIT - This was written to go with some music I'd already composed. The piece is in D minor on viola (alto) with guitar accompaniment. I also intended it to have a kind of trad/folk feel.
He likes Keats but she's into Yeats - it's a matter of Romance

E-Mistress to UG's Finest Gentleman


Come away, oh human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a fairy hand in hand;
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.
Last edited by miss_muso~ at Oct 15, 2007,
#2
Quote by miss_muso~
I know a man who could pass for an angel,
But he's really the devil instead.
He's golden hair and lips of ruby,
But his heart's poison'd heavy as lead.
Great Opener, gives a feeling straight from the start. Excellent.

All the birds sing as he wa-alks by
Though he'd take them fro-om the-e sky
I know a man with no conscience,
Who tells of ev'ry innocence.
Now this, seems a bit of a let down since the opener was pure magic, came across with some really good, imagery and a feel thats hard to explain, maybe try and work with some of the imagery from the last one into this, turn this to gold as well!!

I know a man who could pass for the devil,
But he's really an angel instead.
He's dirty nails and rag-ged hair,
But his heart's like a feather gild-ed.
Ding!. That, like the first verse magic, hit the spot the flow could work with the right singing style, so yeah, magnificant!

They all jeer him as he cra-awls past,
Though he'd save them first and last
But for ev'ry mudstained angel
There's a dozen devils in halos
Ending Great. start to it, I'm not so keen on, so maybe a little work on that could turn this verse into gold...also


Now I know some of the ending gets messy, with that "I've had no inspiration after the first verse" feel, but I've tried anyway. Help? C4C


Excellent piece, with those few little things in there I hope that I helped a little, anyway, well written, well constructed, well done!!

PS, my stuffs in my sig!!

Led Zepper
#3
About the starts to 2nd and 4th verses - in the previously written music, for those two lines it breaks into a higher part, still technically in Dm but really more like F. Those words were just chosen to fit the rhythm. I think the fourth is okay, but needs work; I really, really dislike the beginning of the second.
He likes Keats but she's into Yeats - it's a matter of Romance

E-Mistress to UG's Finest Gentleman


Come away, oh human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a fairy hand in hand;
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.
#5
Thanks muchly
He likes Keats but she's into Yeats - it's a matter of Romance

E-Mistress to UG's Finest Gentleman


Come away, oh human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a fairy hand in hand;
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.