#1
Once i knew a guy called Ed who introduced me to my friend, he warned me that to talk to this guy was the beginning of the end (the end). Those were the days when i just didn't care, and smoking weed was considered somewhat fair. So being as i was i ignored what he said and took a roll of the dice (roll of the dice), sometimes it doesn't pay to listen to good advice (good advice). So i took a chair and pulled it to the man's table, my friends warning still ringing in my ear like a line from a dusty old fable.

It turned out the man was a guy of the shade, I found out he never travels around in the day. As time went by we became good friends, but i'd just triggered what became the beginning of the end (the end). He suddenly spoke aloud and told me he was to reveal his history(history), he turned away and muttered "my name is Mr. E"(Mr E).

Weeks went by and still i didn't see the signs (signs), this man Mr. E it seemed was stuck in my mind (stuck in my mind). Out whilst smoking a spilff one day I reflected on what he said, and rapidly a realisation finally came into my head. I recalled what he told me and knew i'd misheard (misheard), the warning that Ed gave me which had at the time seemed so absurd(absurd), a single word in a sentance can change the entire meaning(meaning), and the end i realised was caused by this fateful intervening(intervening).

It turned out the man was a guy of the shade, I found out he never travels around in the day. As time went by we became good friends, but i'd just triggered what became the beggining of the end(the end). He suddenly spoke aloud and told me he was to reveal his history(history), he turned away and muttered "my name is mystery"(mystery).

And finally it seemed I had proof that Ed was right written in history, and the identity of the shadow man was revealed as mystery (mystery- echoes and fades out).

Written By Dan Freeman

The bits in brackets are sung by backup vocalists.

Hope you like it!!
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DISCO IS DEAD!

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Last edited by Driveshaft Dan at Sep 12, 2007,
#2
Any comments?? Even negative ones will help me improve it... I will crit for crit......come on guys i wanna know what you think!!!
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
Last edited by Driveshaft Dan at Sep 12, 2007,
#3
The person who is closest to guessing what this song is about/it's direction will get a very detailed crit of their songs....that i promise ...
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

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(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


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Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
#4
I'm printing this out and looking at it over lunch, but I'll probably still get it wrong. Why do I get the challenging C4Cs?
Quote by VR2005
Very good post Marmoseti, you're on the right track.



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#5
hehe...life's a bitch eh?? :P...
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
#6
OK I have an idea about it, but it is pretty unusual. Firstly I think it is well put together, it flows very nicely even though it has a strict rhyme scheme. A couple of things I would change are "this fate intervening" to "this fateful intervening," and the last sentence which seems clunky (I don't know how to change it though). It would make an awesome song if it you recorded it with lots of crazy synth stuff and cheesy backing vocals, I would definitely listen to it.

My guess is that it's about taking ecstasy (Mr.E), and how people warned you not to. But that was mainly because of the guy of the shade bit and the other references to drugs. Please post at some point with the real answer, I really want to know
Quote by VR2005
Very good post Marmoseti, you're on the right track.



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#7
OMG!! Thats spot on!!...That's an awesome analysis!! ...it is totally about going ahead and doing the things you were always warned not to i.e E, Weed, smoking etc....coz my mate ( who IS actually called Ed) warned me if i carried on i'd end up like Pete Doherty minus the heroin addiction....and this song reflects my feelings after the event and realising he was right....
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
#8
Nice, you actually expressed your feelings to me through the song. Now go perform it, and feel gutted when no one listens to the words anyway
Quote by VR2005
Very good post Marmoseti, you're on the right track.



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#9
Woah, that's quite thought provoking. I like this mostly because it's different. It's a unique writing style and quite personal through your own experience.

The only thing I'm not sure about is the first few lines. As you call the shaded person "friend" so i thought you knew him or something but it seems in the story you'd never met, if you understand me. Apart from that cool.
#10
Thanks guys ....glad you liked it and got the meaning behind it....yeah I can understand what you mean Adam, I guess it's cause it's got the whole- at first you think drugs/cigs are your friend and then you realise you should've listened to people around you meaning behind it ...i'm gonna get to work recording that now....

Cheers,

Dan
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
#11
Quote by Driveshaft Dan
Once i knew a guy called Ed who introduced me to my friend, he warned me that to talk to this guy was the beginning of the end (the end). Those were the days when i just didn't care, and smoking weed was considered somewhat fair. So being as i was i ignored what he said and took a roll of the dice (roll of the dice), sometimes it doesn't pay to listen to good advice (good advice). So i took a chair and pulled it to the man's table, my friends warning still ringing in my ear like a line from a dusty old fable.


I liked this, it flows well despite your rather rigid rhyme scheme.


It turned out the man was a guy of the shade, I found out he never travels around in the day. As time went by we became good friends, but i'd just triggered what became the beginning of the end (the end). He suddenly spoke aloud and told me he was to reveal his history(history), he turned away and muttered "my name is Mr. E"(Mr E).


I loved this, "mr. e" idea however the line "became the beginning of the end" seems a bit... busy.


Weeks went by and still i didn't see the signs (signs), this man Mr. E it seemed was stuck in my mind (stuck in my mind). Out whilst smoking a spilff one day I reflected on what he said, and rapidly a realisation finally came into my head. I recalled what he told me and knew i'd misheard (misheard), the warning that Ed gave me which had at the time seemed so absurd(absurd), a single word in a sentance can change the entire meaning(meaning), and the end i realised was caused by this fateful intervening(intervening).


I dont like the rhyme of heard and absurd...not sure why it just seems a bit...obvious but as with the other parts-it all flows well



And finally it seemed I had proof that Ed was right written in history, and the identity of the shadow man was revealed as mystery (mystery- echoes and fades out).


Good ending, very conclusive. This sortof reminded me of the streets, i dont really like the streets but it sounds like it should be spoken as opposed to singing-i think that could be because of the rigid rhymes, thats obviously just personal interpretation though. I'd love to hear it recorded. Its interesting and flows well, a nice new approach to an old topic.

return crit? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=670838
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