Is this a good lyric for a metal song?
Please coment, give ideias etc...

In the florest of death
Where the sky ins't blue
you don't see the threat
that's surrounding you

tha fastest you go
the further you get
you're becoming closer
to the moment of death

The darkness of clouds
The hopeless of life
The sun has gone
I am the light!

The moon brings to me
The shadow of death
With her sword made of pain
and justice for all

But then there's a light
Falling out from my eyes
And the steel of the sword
breaks down into mud

I'm becoming an angel
All white and bright
And the shadow of death
Is being killed by the light
Read the rules, man. Look in the techniques forum for advice, post your original works her (under the correct title) for critique.