#1
Cracked nails to cracking knuckles
From pink and perfume to black and razorblades
Girls in general, normal (or so they think)
Have nothing in common with anyone
Not even themselves. What a cliche, gauche

Words used to be a thing of wonder
The wealthy or the worthy were the smiths of the pen
Now they insult us, split us,
Time will destroy us,
The sense of what's right has offically left the building my friends (arch fiends included)

A battle of wrongs that starts with "I"
A child playing "King Of The Hill" that starts with "J"
A movement screaming quietly so no-one sends them to bed without supper
That starts with "M"
Guess why these people
Seem to be bent on (without knowing) on creating
Another 50 ways to kill hope
We're all so pretty in pretentiousness
Because punk isn't pretty and there's not much meaning in rebelling against nothing
Boxes labelled "genres" are are shredded
For media fuel
Goodbye, Goodnight to sanity


Ok, this is just one of my slightly cliched rants. I will do c4c.
#2
Cracked nails to cracking knuckles
From pink and perfume to black and razorblades
I like the colour and comparison of the prissy and cutters.

Girls in general, normal (or so they think)
I'd change the to normally, to preserve the grammar as it leads into the next phrase.

Have nothing in common with anyone
Not even themselves. What a cliche, gauche

Words used to be a thing of wonder
"used to be" is a bit common. You could say "were" or "had been".

The wealthy or the worthy were the smiths of the pen
Now they insult us, split us,
Time will destroy us,
The sense of what's right has offically left the building my friends (arch fiends included)
I mostly like this. Starts out with a bang, gets a bit soft in the middle. Nice use of trite phrase at the end. Not so sure about the parenthetical bit at the end. officially

A battle of wrongs that starts with "I"
A child playing "King Of The Hill" that starts with "J"
A movement screaming quietly so no-one sends them to bed without supper
That starts with "M"
Guess why these people
Seem to be bent on (without knowing) on creating
Get rid of the second "on". Whenever in doubt about that sort of thing, remove the part in parentheses, and see how it reads on it's own.

Another 50 ways to kill hope
We're all so pretty in pretentiousness
Because punk isn't pretty and there's not much meaning in rebelling against nothing
Boxes labelled "genres" are are shredded
For media fuel
Goodbye, Goodnight to sanity
I'm not sure if this might read better with "and" instead of the comma. Perhaps swap goodnight and goodbye. Mix it up a bit, and see what you like best. This is your parting shot here. Take full advantage of it.

There's nothing wrong with the way you laid this out. I'd suggest keeping the lines as they are, but get rid of the caps on the beginning of each line. Use caps and punctuation just as you would if this was one continuous paragraph, leaving the lines with the same breaks they have now. I think it will read better that way.



Ok, this is just one of my slightly cliched rants. I will do c4c.
Rants are worthwhile reading if they evoke images or a longing for what was lost or what might have been. This certainly did that for me.

I don't do c4c, Jess. Just pick a random somebody, and do them.

Cheers,
SYK
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#3
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Cracked nails to cracking knuckles
From pink and perfume to black and razorblades
I like the colour and comparison of the prissy and cutters.

Girls in general, normal (or so they think)
I'd change the to normally, to preserve the grammar as it leads into the next phrase.

Have nothing in common with anyone
Not even themselves. What a cliche, gauche

Words used to be a thing of wonder
"used to be" is a bit common. You could say "were" or "had been".

The wealthy or the worthy were the smiths of the pen
Now they insult us, split us,
Time will destroy us,
The sense of what's right has offically left the building my friends (arch fiends included)
I mostly like this. Starts out with a bang, gets a bit soft in the middle. Nice use of trite phrase at the end. Not so sure about the parenthetical bit at the end. officially

A battle of wrongs that starts with "I"
A child playing "King Of The Hill" that starts with "J"
A movement screaming quietly so no-one sends them to bed without supper
That starts with "M"
Guess why these people
Seem to be bent on (without knowing) on creating
Get rid of the second "on". Whenever in doubt about that sort of thing, remove the part in parentheses, and see how it reads on it's own.

Another 50 ways to kill hope
We're all so pretty in pretentiousness
Because punk isn't pretty and there's not much meaning in rebelling against nothing
Boxes labelled "genres" are are shredded
For media fuel
Goodbye, Goodnight to sanity
I'm not sure if this might read better with "and" instead of the comma. Perhaps swap goodnight and goodbye. Mix it up a bit, and see what you like best. This is your parting shot here. Take full advantage of it.

There's nothing wrong with the way you laid this out. I'd suggest keeping the lines as they are, but get rid of the caps on the beginning of each line. Use caps and punctuation just as you would if this was one continuous paragraph, leaving the lines with the same breaks they have now. I think it will read better that way.



Ok, this is just one of my slightly cliched rants. I will do c4c.
Rants are worthwhile reading if they evoke images or a longing for what was lost or what might have been. This certainly did that for me.

I don't do c4c, Jess. Just pick a random somebody, and do them.

Cheers,
SYK



Hey, thanks SYK.

Ha, "just pick a random somebody and do them." Oh, funny.....I have a sick mind.

The bit about the way I set out the paragraphs, that's pretty understandable. Thanks, I'll try that.
#4
It was a good read. I thouroughly enjoyed it. Imagery was good, especially "Cracked nails to cracking knuckles / From pink and perfume to black and razorblades"

That's all i have to say.

Cam.
I hate my username, it all happened in a rush


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#5
Cracked nails to cracking knuckles
From pink and perfume to black and razorblades
Girls in general, normal [with what syk said, make normal normally](or so they think)
Have nothing in common with anyone [comma here?]
Not even themselves. What a cliche, gauche

This is a great opening stanza, love the last 2 lines espec.

Words used to be a thing of wonder
The wealthy or the worthy were the smiths of the pen
Now they insult us, split us,
Time will destroy us, The sense of what's right has offically left the building my friends (arch fiends included) i'm not too sure about the arch fiends part.


A battle of wrongs that starts with "I"
A child playing "King Of The Hill" that starts with "J"
A movement screaming quietly so no-one sends them to bed without supper
That starts with "M"

I dont really understand the letter part... i'm sure it makes sense, im just missing it right now.
Guess why these people
Seem to be bent on (without knowing) on creating
Another 50 ways to kill hope
We're all so pretty in pretentiousness
Because punk isn't pretty and there's not much meaning in rebelling against nothing [awesome line, truely]
Boxes labelled "genres" are are shredded
For media fuel [another killer ]Goodbye, Goodnight to sanity

nice ending

I really like it. a few things i might change if i were you, but it's all down to personal view. i haven't written in so long, so i can't get a return crit, but good work
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