#1
alright 2nd song to be posted by me... no crits on my first one... guess i outa start crittin some otherz


I've tried way too hard
for way too long
why can't i see
this love is gone
your so damn
narrow minded
your heart
i dnt think you'll ever find it


girl
you know your doing it all wrong
and i've known it all along
but ill try to just forget
because i know your not worth it

someday, i hope
these words will break through your walls
and youll see
that i was right for u after all
this is how it ends
i say goodbye to my best friend

girl.... (chorus


this is how its supposed to end
this is how its supposed to end
this is how its supposed to end (your so damn narrow minded)
this is how its supposed to end (your so damn narrow minded)
Last edited by gman03 at Sep 14, 2007,
#2
It's a bit too plain for me. Also grammar is important when writing.

I'm not saying it's bad, it just needs some work. Some plain words could be replaced with more interesting words and maybe some length could be added.
Nice banana, Andy Warhol.
#3
Seems pretty good. One thing I like are pieces I can relate too, and I can feel you on this one. However, like he (above me) said, Grammar is important in order to make the song feel right. You had some unneccesary ellipsis, which takes the emphasis off of the ones that are there. And I do wish there was a little more to it... because I was just getting into it when it cut off. Very good start, think about adding some more verse to it if you can, I think it will feel more complete then.

Thanks for looking at my piece.

peace and coconuts,

-ZC
#4
well i agree with the plainess. its a mellow song. u need to listen to it myspace.com/bodegatheband remember its called not worth it. and yeah sorry there was a typo on the one line that sounded stupid...fixed it... but yeah its not my favorite, but it really turned into a song that people like to hear us play. ive explored adding another verse, but this song was kind of a one day inspiration thing. its just not there. im going to work on it right now though. We have been preforming it with a third verse, but its just one of us singing the 1st verse and one of us singing the 2nd verse. they are very different and when combined they sound cool. seriously though check it out id like for yall to hear it.
#5
grammer bothers the reading-if your bad at spelling or somthing you can always write songs on WORD and then copy and paste here after it fixes your spelling-that way you can also write more complex words...

but i liked the song,good concept and meaning...

(crit me back too pleasr^^)