#1
I wrote this last week. I heard from a good friend that she attempted suicide and i just had to get this out of me...

If u find it incredibly bad, then just tell me :P

Oh yeah, some of the things dont sound right, its cause i wrote it when i was tired and couldnt think straight :P The last verse needs the most work IMO...


Seeing you, It hurts me so
Burning up, trying to hide
Drowning in your lonesome sorrow
You're hiding it inside

I see you're hurt, i know your pain
I've been at the same stage
You've been hurt and pushed around
All you feel is a neverending rage

Feeling hated by everyone
You think its all your fault
Think you're the cause of all the hurt
The hurt they have brought

So you want out, wanna end it all
Wanna take away the pain
Chaos in your head is all you have
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain

But consider this, this note to you
Please don't pick up the knife
Cause you have to see that if you make the cut
You're not just ending your own life...


C4C?
#4
i thinks it great you wrote this about your friend and all...but i couldnt help but feel like everything was kinda cliche, which isnt necessarily a bad thing i know some people want there to be no questions about there lyrics and some people want to be vague and leave room for interpretation. The only thing i would suggest is that you have a uniform structure through out the entire thing, so i dont know if your going for like a verse chorus type thing but you could probably take one of those sections and make it like the main idea of your song....otherwise it sounded pretty good
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