#1
trying to write some songs for a band I may or may not be starting
I finally took the time to read the rules and realized why I hardly get critiques, yeh I'll critique if you will.


"Just another liar"

(clean blues scale)
I can see it just by the look on your face
you don't want this
you're not willing to embrace
Just tell the truth it'll set you free
never wanted to be with me
useless as it seems, my head all in the clouds
I never saw it coming
Your words a useless shroud

(distorted blues chords)
I'm just fine....
without you
I don't need your company
Just another mouth to feed
You'd use me anyway
maybe if you feel my cold shoulder
it would put you in your place
you're just another liar
I can see it on your face

(blues scale)
Your lies like poison roses
no need for useless thorns
All your fake and useless poses
did no good to hide your horns
Your false intentioned phrases
had me crawling at your feet
but I could see you lieing
and your voice seemed that less sweet

(distorted blues chords)
I'm just fine....
without you
I don't need your company
Just another mouth to feed
You'd use me anyway
maybe if you feel my cold shoulder
it would put you in your place
you're just another liar
I can see it on your face

(blues scale)
Beauty is as beauty does
your beauty deep as skin
your eyes like clouded skies
your fingers cold sharp pins
a heart of poor excuse
where even darkness voids
you had the right to choose
my heart as broken toys.

(distorted blues chords)
I'm just fine....
without you
I don't need your company
Just another mouth to feed
You'd use me anyway
maybe if you feel my cold shoulder
it would put you in your place
you're just another liar
I can see it on your face

Thats right you're just another liar
I'll put you in your place.
1966 rickenbacker fireglo 335
78' twin reverb (loud awesome tone)

practice makes practice... never perfect
#2
Maybe you could state the actual chords because i like the lyrics but i want to see how the son g would sound with the chords if this is too much to ask them just overlook what i said =D nice song though!

Ryan Lloyd
#3
Quote by fadedgrim
trying to write some songs for a band I may or may not be starting
I finally took the time to read the rules and realized why I hardly get critiques, yeh I'll critique if you will.


"Just another liar"

(clean blues scale)
I can see it just by the look on your face
you don't want this
you're not willing to embrace
Good rhythm so far.
Just tell the truth it'll set you free
Eh. Not a fan of this line. It's such an overused phrase.
never wanted to be with me
useless as it seems, my head all in the clouds
I never saw it coming
Your words a useless shroud
"Shroud" seems out of place

(distorted blues chords)
I'm just fine....
without you
I don't need your company
Just another mouth to feed
Hehe. I love blunt lyrics.
You'd use me anyway
maybe if you feel my cold shoulder
it would put you in your place
The rhythm and structure seems to take a turn here. Maybe it will sound different to the music (I know my often does), but on paper, it seems iffy. Also, I think this is too open. Nothing for the audience to really soak in, if you know what I mean.
you're just another liar
I can see it on your face
Good.

(blues scale)
Your lies like poison roses
no need for useless thorns
All your fake and useless poses
did no good to hide your horns
Your false intentioned phrases
had me crawling at your feet
but I could see you lieing
and your voice seemed that less sweet
Weird rhyme scheme here. Also the repitition of "useless" is...Useless. Adds nothing.

(distorted blues chords)
I'm just fine....
without you
I don't need your company
Just another mouth to feed
You'd use me anyway
maybe if you feel my cold shoulder
it would put you in your place
you're just another liar
I can see it on your face

(blues scale)
Beauty is as beauty does
your beauty deep as skin
your eyes like clouded skies
your fingers cold sharp pins
a heart of poor excuse
where even darkness voids
you had the right to choose
my heart as broken toys.
Mmm. I quite like this.

(distorted blues chords)
I'm just fine....
without you
I don't need your company
Just another mouth to feed
You'd use me anyway
maybe if you feel my cold shoulder
it would put you in your place
you're just another liar
I can see it on your face

Thats right you're just another liar
I'll put you in your place.


Pretty well done overall. Would be interesting to hear how it sounds. Just a few things I was picky about, but other then what I said I've got nothing else to offer you. Good job.