#1
Crit for Crit as usual, this is the first version of this song. I want to make it either a acoustic song Tim Buckley style or something with a clean electric. What do you guys think ?

White Fields Of Snow

Street lights glowing in the water
Her reflection receding slowly
The wind howling in the night
Like echoes from a distant memory
Long lost inside your mind
Phantoms of memories unkind

White fields of snow shining in the night
Purest snowflakes falling from the sky
Covering your dreams in sheets of snow
Winters chill is all that resides in your soul
White fields of snow shining in the night
Purest snowflakes fallen from the sky

She will always remain a dream to you
Something you can never reach again
Snow covered trees like skeletons in the night
Winters chill a remainder of the pain
Untouched by the trials of time
Free from your lives grime

White fields of snow shining in the night
Purest snowflakes falling from the sky
Covering your dreams in sheets of snow
Winters chill is all that resides in your soul
White fields of snow shining in the night
Purest snowflakes fallen from the sky

Yesterdays dreams burned out
Long before you woke from your slumber
Now your left with just the ashes
Of what once was the pieces of your life
Faded photograph of illusions
A distant echo in the halls of eternity

White fields of snow shining in the night
Purest snowflakes falling from the sky
Covering your dreams in sheets of snow
Winters chill is all that resides in your soul
White fields of snow shining in the night
Purest snowflakes fallen from the sky
#4
ok man i got a crit for you:

take note of these line combinations:

"Long lost inside your mind
Phantoms of memories unkind "
&
"Untouched by the trials of time
Free from your lives grime"

the song lyrics are all pretty cool and good except for these ones, which is where i noticed you attempted to make em rhyme. no offense but it wrecks the mood. like the song makes sense and all and when you throw the rhyming in, the lines dont make sense and then it just looks like you were desperate to fit the rhyming word in. sorry.

but the song isnt too bad. i dunno about your timing and all but it might be a bit long-winded though. too much info crammed into one song

hmm. hope that helps but yeh dont be selfish by bumping your thread eh or i wont be inclined to comment on yours next time.

cya