#1
It's been a long time, since i've felt like a smile
im better than this place an i've known for a while
you said you felt the same, both tired of the rain
just want to leave it all and get far away
it always gets me down, to take a stroll through town
and see all the likes of them hanging round
we had talked for hours, underneath the flowers
about taking steps to make this world ours

Each journey starts with one step and theres no time for regrets
we'll take the unbeaten path and forget the rest
I want it all from life, and it will come in time
but it means so much more if your by my side
you say that you miss home and want to go back there
"if you stay with me il take you anywhere"
but these words wern't heard and you stopped to turn
then you walked away back to the old world

you say, that no-one needs you
you say,that noone feels you
i say that no one needs you, as much as i do now

but then i turned it around

you want to fade away, that won't bring me down
it is just a shame that your not still around
to get out of here after all these years
did you not believe or was it just fear
that made you blind to see what you could achieve
i now know that what becomes of me
does not lie, in the hands of fate
you can have it all if you're awake

'cause i say that everyone hears you (if you just shout)
I say everyone feels you (if you reach out)
i say everyone needs you
you just got to believe
you just got to believe
you just got to believe
Last edited by Burningritual at Sep 15, 2007,
#3
Quote by Burningritual
It's been a long time, since i've felt like a smile
im better than this place an i've known for a while Take out 'place' for more subtlety.
you said you felt the same, both tired of the rain This feels like grasping at straws for a rhyme. Although you might well be talking about Seattle. Also, when I see a lack of pronouns like this I cringe. I don't know why.
just want to leave it all and get far away
it always gets me down, to take a stroll through town
and see all the likes of them hanging round Needs rephrasing.
we had talked for hours, underneath the flowers
about taking steps to make this world ours I like the idea, but I don't know about the first part - needs rephrasing.

Each journey starts with one step and theres no time for regrets This feels a bit clichéd.
we'll take the unbeaten path and forget the rest
I want it all from life, and it will come in time
but it means so much more if your by my side I like this bit.
you say that you miss home and want to go back there
"if you stay with me il take you anywhere"
but these words wern't heard and you stopped to turn Passive voice - not good.
then you walked away back to the old world

you say, that no-one needs you
you say,that noone feels you
i say that no one needs you, as much as i do now

but then i turned it around

you want to fade away, that won't bring me down Again, like what you're trying to say but could do with being rephrased
it is just a shame that your not still around Predictable rhyme.
to get out of here after all these years
did you not believe or was it just fear Again.
that made you blind to see what you could achieve
i now know that what becomes of me
does not lie, in the hands of fate These two lines don't flow at all
you can have it all if you're awake

'cause i say that everyone hears you (if you just shout)
I say everyone feels you (if you reach out)
i say everyone needs you
you just got to believe
you just got to believe
you just got to believe


Sorry to be so negative