#1
I have no clue how I feel about this. I loved it when I wrote it, and now I'm kind of on the fence.

pre[amazing]post

forge your name on my grave cause i will
not be buried as myself
ive hidden under the gears of the apparatus + i
will not . struggle with an independent
study all humans: dependent
half created concentrated archetype etch my name in your memory in my memory
i will live forever forever again.
Quote by Angels Fighter
we once had night of just slapping each others ass. Is that incest?


call me evan.

bass militia's pretentious dick. pm dinkydaisy.

the trap i set for you seems to've caught my leg instead.

<meh> I'm pro black penis in my bum
#2
i'm guessing some of the grammar is intentional?
if not, then go back, add punctuation, and fix it up.
other than that, its okay, very vague, almost to the extreme,
can be seen as good, or horribly bad.
the second to last line is too long, and it goes on and on, needs a pause.
good idea.

last thing, the opening line is perhaps one of the best.

if you want to do mine, the links in my sig.
#3
It seems to me to be about a struggle regarding independance...But then again, I'm completely wapped out...
I've got something in my front pocket for you.
Why don't you reach down in my pocket and see what it is?
Then grab onto it, it's just for you.
Give a little squeeze and say: "How do you do?"
#4
i know you'll be pissed that i say this ("stay out of the song writing forum!!" you said like two months ago or something)
i mean its great you have a big vocab but you over just big complex words too much
thats my opinion
I don't like as i lay dying