#1
New song called paranoia


Decieving smiles, tell thier own lies
Critisized movements from watchful eyes
You don't know from where, but your being stalked
there's someone in the shadows from where you once walked

The bead.....of sweat, running down your forehead
your mouth.....is dry, run or you'll be dead

chorus

is it real, is it real, or is it just
Paranoia
Are you being watched
Paranoia
the people talk and talk
Claustiphobia
The walls are closing in
Cause paranoia
Has come to seal you in

verse 2

Everyone stares, they want to know your name
In the instant you'll never be the same
Friend or foe, they are all out to get you
Time to run and start your life a new

What did.....you do, to make you feel this way
How can......you stop, the darkness in your head

chorus

is it real, is it real, or is it just
Paranoia
Are you being watched
Paranoia
the people talk and talk
Claustiphobia
The walls are closing in
Cause paranoia
Has come to seal you in


paranoia, it will destroy ya
The delusions in your mind
the neurosis you have sired
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
#2
Decieving smiles, tell thier own lies
Critisized movements from watchful eyes
You don't know from where, but your being stalked
there's someone in the shadows from where you once walked
The first line doesn't seem to fit with the rest, it gives more the impression of having the truth hidden whilst the rest of the verse is obviously about being watched/followed so I would change the first to fit. I particularly like the last line as it gives the idea of someone or a group of people following the subjects actions but perhaps learning from them. Should be 'Criticised' in second line though.

The bead.....of sweat, running down your forehead
your mouth.....is dry, run or you'll be dead
I don't really like this stanza, sounds a bit too cliched for my liking and also kind of overstates the point which is obvious from the first stanza, I'd remove it all together.

chorus

is it real, is it real, or is it just
Paranoia
Are you being watched
Paranoia
the people talk and talk
Claustiphobia
The walls are closing in
Cause paranoia
Has come to seal you in
I don't really like the last five lines in that order or some of them at all, adding 'claustiphopia' is bad because it just seems like a pointless rhyme with no relevance to the song and spelt wrong. 'The walls are closing in' also pretty cliched and i wouldn't use it. I would change the chorus a lot and have 'Is it real, is it real, or is it/paranoia/are you being watched or is it/paranoia/your mind is closing in/the thoughts will seal you in' or something similar.

verse 2

Everyone stares, they want to know your name
In the instant you'll never be the same
Friend or foe, they are all out to get you
Time to run and start your life a new
Slightly different idea to the first verse, which is good as it can still be linked, however first line doesn't seem to fit but the rest is good i would suggest 'In this instant you'll never be the same/Everyone stares, pressure drives you insane/Friend or foe, they are all out to get you/Time to run run run and start your life anew' or something similar.

What did.....you do, to make you feel this way
How can......you stop, the darkness in your head
Again I don't think the prechorus is necessary but the last line could be adapted into a middle 8/bridge build up of that repeated line very well.

chorus

is it real, is it real, or is it just
Paranoia
Are you being watched
Paranoia
the people talk and talk
Claustiphobia
The walls are closing in
Cause paranoia
Has come to seal you in

paranoia, it will destroy ya
The delusions in your mind
the neurosis you have sired
I like this very much as an ending but unless the idea is to abrubtly cut it short i think there should be a fourth line ryhming with the 2nd/3rd perhaps 'is the hell that you well find'

Overall it has potential but needs work to get rid of the cliches and other parts that dont work but should turn out to be good afterwards.
Lyrics Crit 4 Crit
More Graves To Fill (14-05-2009)
Jus Ad Bellum (10-05-2009)

Quote by ragebass89
That is ****in awesome! I mean not that he died, but the fact that monkeys killed him.