#1
Verse:
I'm thinking of this
but I don't have the time to
lay around here
and stare at the sky

I got a girl on my mind
and shes dressed in grey
and I just can't find
the words to say

Chorus:
I need to tell her
I need to tell her
I know
I need to tell her
I need to tell her
I know


thats all I got so far, c4c.

oh and by the way, forgive the abab pattern, thats just the way it came out at 3 a.m. this morning.
Last edited by FreeManson15 at Sep 17, 2007,
#2
Quote by FreeManson15
Verse:
I'm thinking of this
but I don't have the time to
lay around here
and stare at the sky

Definitely my favorite part and I really like the idea...I like the flow

I got a girl on my mind
and shes dressed in grey
and I just can't find
the words to say

Rhyming seems a bit forced but I like the idea again....do not like how the rhyming scheme seemed to change from the last verse

Chorus:
I need to tell her
I need to tell her
I know
I need to tell her
I need to tell her
I know

Like it could be a bit less repetetive and use more lines

thats all I got so far, c4c.

oh and by the way, forgive the abab pattern, thats just the way it came out at 3 a.m. this morning.



Overall good job, love the title.... 7/10...keep up on it sounds great!
Check for "Taking a Picture (Won't capture this)