#1
i'm not sure about the second part of the chorus... the last line of the second stanza has two options, that's what the / is for idk which is better...

v
There are only
so many chances you can take
There are only
So many mistakes you can make

v
everyday
in this life is a choice
and everyone
can choose to use their voice

c
I'm gonna scream out loud
turn my face up to the clouds
Not a thing can stand in my way
Not a thing can ruin this day

If it were up to me
Everyone alive would be free
no more lies would be told
hands wouldn't be afraid to hold

v
You can only
blink so many times
before your
eyes shut and become blind

v
And i'm gonna
shut my mouth before i say too much
and i won't
lose my mind when i feel your touch

c
But i'll scream out loud
turn my face up to the clouds
not a thing can stand in my way
not a thing can ruin this day

if it were up to me
everyone alive would be free
no more lies would be told
your hand, i wouldn't be afraid to hold
Last edited by Cyclones41 at Sep 22, 2007,
#2
the chorus is good - i can picture somebody belting that one out

You can only
blink so many times
before your
eyes shut and become blind

v
And i'm gonna
shut my mouth before i say too much
and i won't
lose my mind when i feel your touch

that verse about eyes is pretty cool but " i won't
lose my mind when i feel your touch" is really out of place. like it doesnt flow at all

ide be curious to hear this song - sorry if i didn't help. im kind of new at the whole lyrics thing
check mine out thought if you want to help me. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=10814189#post10814189
#5
the chorus is great, and i love the feel of these 2 verses...

v
You can only
blink so many times
before your
eyes shut and become blind

v
And i'm gonna
shut my mouth before i say too much
and i won't
lose my mind when i feel your touch


...and for that last line in your chorus, I would go with the 2nd section instead of the first, I think it flows a bit better.
#7
Yeah i like this to. It comes across really optimistic, but i also feel an underlying cynism (correct me if i'm wrong). I could envisage someone like foo fighters rocking to this one (sorry if that offends you)

I'm gonna scream out loud
turn my face up to the clouds
Not a thing can stand in my way
Not a thing can ruin this day

If it were up to me
Everyone alive would be free
no more lies would be told
hands wouldn't be afraid to hold

your chorus is good. It seems really simple, but it works lyrically and melodically(of course how i imagine).
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
#9
Quote by Cyclones41


There are only
So many mistakes you can make


Not true.. women will always say the man made a mistake...

anyway... the flow was right on and everything but I still think you limit yourself to rhymes... and short rhymes... I read one piece where your strayed from that a little bit and I was more interested in that than I am in pieces like this...
Promises meant a lot back then.
#10
This peice makes me feel really happy and joyfull. the chorus is lookin really good, and unfortunatly i dont have any real crits about it.
Its a real simple stright up good song, no deep hiddin metephorical meaning and i really enjoy it like that. alot of the lines that didnt really fit as well have been pointed out like the "lose my mind when i feel you touch" but those could be easily fixed to make this a really good peoce.
#12
Yea, I really like this, the chorus is pretty sweet (along with everything else ). I think it's a great job, well done!
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