#1
Ok everyone, I need just a little help on this one. I'm set to rerecord this song in the studio in a few days, and I've gone back and changed some things up to hopefully make it a little smoother and make the chord progression sound a little more tighter.

I've been training my voice pretty hard by taking lessons, so I'm learning to harness it in a keep it in tune, but I'm not sure the chords progressions are right or sounds all that great.

I recorded a demo about a year ago of it when I was not so great at singing, you can listen to it here: http://www.myspace.com/iamjasonwitt so you can get an idea of what I want it to sound like.

My question is ... any suggestions that would help me get this song sounding bad ass? I want it to be my first real "single" to put on iTunes, so I want it to be champ. Any help would be greatly appreciated. And of course, you crit mine, I'll crit yours.

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VERSE 1:
I ask a question even though I know the answer
Untie this knot that keeps it all together
Into a sec-ur-ity I've never known

CHORUS:
Cause I'm praying to-day
To whoever brought me to you
praying to-day
that one day I'll show you
That everyone needs someone like you to hold
and everyone needs someone like you to love

VERSE 2:
You were there when I figured I'd throw it away
Let go of hopes that filled up all my da-ys
So I dropped down to my knees

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
Cause I'll be all that you need
That's the least you'll get from me
and I'll be Wherever you need
That's the least you'll get from me
As I drop to my knees

CHORUS

VERSE 3:
I ask a question even though I know the answer
Untie this knot that keeps it all together
LISTEN:
A Myspace introduction to:

LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5
#2
VERSE 1:
I ask a question even though I know the answer
Untie this knot that keeps it all together
Into a sec-ur-ity I've never known

really like it, very nice, good flow, nothing bad here,

CHORUS:
Cause I'm praying to-day
To whoever brought me to you
praying to-day
that one day I'll show you
That everyone needs someone like you to hold
and everyone needs someone like you to love

not into this kinda music, but the lyrics are good, nice flow, nothing much to say,

VERSE 2:
You were there when I figured I'd throw it away
Let go of hopes that filled up all my da-ys
So I dropped down to my knees

same as above, good work,

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
Cause I'll be all that you need
That's the least you'll get from me
and I'll be Wherever you need
That's the least you'll get from me
As I drop to my knees

CHORUS

VERSE 3:
I ask a question even though I know the answer
Untie this knot that keeps it all together

i really like this line, just somthing about it,

anyways overall the song was good, nothing mind blowing, but good,
CRIT MY SONG A DIFFERENT MIND SET
#3
After to listening to the recording of this song on your myspace, I would recommend quite strongly that you don't try and put this on iTunes. You're voice is quite horrifically out of tune, either that or the melody is an unbalanced tedium.

I must say, entirely honestly, that I was greatly dissapointed when I came to read this. Judging from the critique's that you had given both my recordings and literary works, and the depth that you reached, I was expecting a skilled writer.

This is little more than a string of mediocre cliche's strung together by unimaginative rhymes and a limited vocabulary. I would recommend starting afresh.
#4
^ wow that was pretty harsh...i was just going to say unless your studio recording is pretty mind blowing there isnt too much you have going for you. I mean, lyrically its not complicated but it could be the next song i here some girl crying her eyes out to next week...it has that sobby kinda pop feel to it...
Gear

Soon to have Carvin California Carved Top
Fender MIM Strat (Warthog, Spotlight, Condor)
Epiphone Les Paul Custom
VOX Valetronix Combo
Boss ME-50
Alvarez Acoustic
#5
Quote by skagitup
You're voice is quite horrifically out of tune, either that or the melody is an unbalanced tedium.


No you're right, I'm out of tune. Been working hard to try and fix that, but it's a slow process I guess. The recording was over 2 years ago, though that is not a valid of excuse as "I'm a guitar player that is learning to sing" or something along those lines ...
LISTEN:
A Myspace introduction to:

LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5