#1
i wrote this about a painting, but i couldnt remember the name of it

if only i could remember your name
the way you clutched that clock
as if it was someting you could tame
those heavy hands moved so slowly
adding weight upon your heart
did someone take everything you knew
and pull it all apart
what was it you were waiting for
did it make you tear your hair
the look in your eyes like anxiety had filled the air


were you waiting for him to come
sitting all morning watching the clock spin
clutching it tightly as if to squeeze more
you drew me into your story your eyes caught mine
i just cant forget your image frozen in time

i hope you ddint spend too much time
watchign two hands cross
unlike those surrealists you were truly very real
your image captured for ever after leaving me to think
i hope i too dont end up like you
pondering in a chair id rather be off wandering
and getting lost somewhere
so yeah your name still alludes me
lost somewhere in thought
il puzzle over your troubles
and the emotions they had brought
#3
I really liked this. The first 3 lines make a good grab at the readers attention.

"if only i could remember your name
the way you clutched that clock
as if it was something you could tame"

The second stanza, even though I really liked what it said, had some flow issues to me. Maybe it was just the was I was reading it but the third line seemed to be a bit too long.

I really had no problem with the 3rd stanza except for when you used the word "alludes" when I thought you should have used the word elude. All in all I thought this was really well done.