#1
this is a sonnet I had to write for my Creative Writing class; the requirement was to have a 14 line poem with 10 syllables in each line... though I fell short and there's two lines with only 9... heh oops. anyway I worked hard on it, and I'll probably work on it and make it a song. any criticisms or opinions or what not, positive or negative, will be gladly accepted. thanks for taking the time to read, yo.

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Thoughts of Insanity

Bitter is the mind who turns not the key,
For in one's own thoughts, thine own sanity.
They judge your beliefs and yet not their own,
But when the world ends just sit on their throne.

Is this the way life is meant to be?
To slaughter one's morals and dignity?
See they not the potential of great finds--
Cover new ideas, and creative minds.

Throw me in jail, yet serenity found,
For I will still think, even on the ground.
Speak of lobotomy, imminent now.
See how they act, when one questions how?

Leave me alone, for my world is my own,
And i will only live, when justice is shown.
Last edited by Rad_Sauce, yo at Sep 20, 2007,
#2
This piece here definitely reminded me of Shakesperean-type sonnets, with the wording being remiscent of medieval poetry. (who turns not the key, thine own, etc.) The flow was excellent of course and I really like how the theme develpoed in the through the piece. Like I said before it had a Middle Ages kind of feeling to it, so I got the image that the narrator was locked up for questioning the Church's authority. (Probably not what you were thinking of, but that's what came to mind). If I could find any fault with this piece I would say that at times the wording felt artificial. (Who really talks like "See they not"?). However, I do understand that you wrote this way in order to fit in with structure, so I'll let that slide. Anyways, I'm looking forward toi reading more form you and I'd like to know what your teacher thinks of your sonnet.

Crit mine please
Torn Calendar
#4
Quote by themarsvolta
This piece here definitely reminded me of Shakesperean-type sonnets, with the wording being remiscent of medieval poetry. (who turns not the key, thine own, etc.) The flow was excellent of course and I really like how the theme develpoed in the through the piece. Like I said before it had a Middle Ages kind of feeling to it, so I got the image that the narrator was locked up for questioning the Church's authority. (Probably not what you were thinking of, but that's what came to mind). If I could find any fault with this piece I would say that at times the wording felt artificial. (Who really talks like "See they not"?). However, I do understand that you wrote this way in order to fit in with structure, so I'll let that slide. Anyways, I'm looking forward toi reading more form you and I'd like to know what your teacher thinks of your sonnet.

Crit mine please
Torn Calendar


thanks very much. I was trying to get a Shakespearian feel to it, at the time I just finished Macbeth and you pretty much hit it on the button; I'm agnostic and I also felt what they did to Galileo was pretty ****ed up, which was my main inspiration. I see your point about "see they not," but again, as you said, the Shakespearian thing.. heh.

I'll go crit yours soon; you seem like an intelligent person so I must say I'm looking forward to it.

Quote by fretboarddragon
Excellent work...it brought to my mind "Sanitarium" by Metallica. Hope you do/ did well with it.


Thanks! hehe off of my fav Metallica album