#1
Getting nowhere with these words
I wish I could fly with the birds
And escape this empty hell
I thought I knew you so well
I could have never been so wrong
Why it took you so long
I don’t need your damn excuses
You don’t need to explain
You already caused me pain
I wont do this again
And if I do you’ll find me dead

(verse)

Found dead on the couch
In his apartment
Old letters found in his glove department
Never again will he mess up
Like he did the time before
Cut throat and it just keeps getting harder
Slit wrists and he knows
That’s the last time he’d be kissed


Funeral day not a pleasant time
Theres not one dry eye
Except the girl that he once knew
Shes just trying to get through
Why she did it we don’t know
Can she live with herself (I don’t know)
She said that she would cry if I died
That’s just another innocent lie
So come on take the coffin down
And please don’t anybody frown
Just look around and you will see

Verse

Heavens crowded with delight
I just stood there for the night
Tried to see if I could tell
That you were going to hell
But theres one more thing
That you should know
The knife isn’t all that bad
If you get it right
You may find
That theres more to life
Than the terrorizing of this poor mans heart


Verse x2

Crit4Crit

Suggestions?
"You've got to dance like nobody else is watching.
Dream like you will live forever.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow,
and love like it is never gonna hurt."
-- James Dean (1931-1955)

Quote by JakeTheDuck
This man has the right idea.


^
oh yeahhh
#2
This is one of those ones I'd need to hear put to music. I can sorta hear something in my head already, and it's pretty heavy.
For what it is, it works well. I've heard enough "ooh baby, you sweet little thing" types anyway...a breath of "dead" air, shall we say.
#3
Hey thanks man...yeh im trying to get some guitar for it now.
"You've got to dance like nobody else is watching.
Dream like you will live forever.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow,
and love like it is never gonna hurt."
-- James Dean (1931-1955)

Quote by JakeTheDuck
This man has the right idea.


^
oh yeahhh
#5
seen as a poem it ****ing rules!! i like your style...

recently i wrote a poem, in which a narrator reads a book and the poem is in two voices(don´t know if this is common^^) the other voice kinda tells what´s gooing on in the book... i kept it open to interpretation so i think it´s my best work so far but i won´t publish it here... it´s made only for me
Proud Member of UG´s HATECREW and the Tool Thread Biznitches

also proud member of the Jennerweinschützen Siegensdorf
#6
hey dude but i think you should make the music first and then some lyrics i don´t know but for me this is easier then i got something my lyrics can refer to... the otherway round like you do is more difficult i think... but hey everyone should go his own way so i hope your guitar will be cool too...

and don´t let you get down from bad comments it´s your song not theirs if you think it´s fine then it´s fine!!!
Proud Member of UG´s HATECREW and the Tool Thread Biznitches

also proud member of the Jennerweinschützen Siegensdorf