#1
I was just talking to a friend of mine, and she inspired me to write this. It just poured out, so it didn't take very long to write it. I'm considering splitting it into two different songs after the breakdown. (Mods: I hope it's ok to repost this, didn't realize there was an issue with the previous title.) I'd appreciate any comments/criticism.

hide yourself.
away.
shut yourself.
it's so built up you explode.

obscured.
a foggy mirror
a pile of broken glass.
the all-seeing eye
blinded at last.

no one.
to turn to.
nowhere.
to run.

spiraling downward.
like alice after a rabbit.
I can't quit you.
what a precocious habit.

-breakdown-

Oh what a tangled web we weave.
When first we practice to deceive.

-acoustic-

open up.
it's gone now.
shadows and shades
of past visions
exorcised.

cleansed
purified by light.
laughter.
harmony.
tranquility.
delight.
Quote by hug a llama
You put parentheses in parentheses. I...I...I think I love you.

Quote by Vos
THANK YOU! You're my hero!
Last edited by Beware!Criminal at Sep 21, 2007,
#2
I like the flow of this. especially the breakdown. the word tranquilaty doesnt fit in the ending. Very good, its creative
Birdie Birdie in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like Sugar, Tastes like sap.....OMG ITS BIRDIE CRAP!
#3
Hmm. I don't see how it doesn't fit. But thanks
Quote by hug a llama
You put parentheses in parentheses. I...I...I think I love you.

Quote by Vos
THANK YOU! You're my hero!