#1
it takes no skill to masturbate..
like mostly every guy in the world can.
if it did take skill.. alot of guys would be screwed.
#2
very true
masturbating is the one and only instinct men are born with
... and it's the only one we need!
Quote by bassboy 999
Cheers to you triple x maniac


Quote by snipelfritz
Wait, your dick is in a chick's ass, and you're complaining.

Its a sad, sad day.
#5
Then why the hell does my girlfriend suck at handjobs??


...cause shes not a man maybe, and if she is then her handjob skills are the least of your problems
Professional Mixing available at request.

Everton FC
#6
Quote by 7daycrisis
Then why the hell does my girlfriend suck at handjobs??


that... is a very good question
in their defence, we do do it more
i hope
Quote by bassboy 999
Cheers to you triple x maniac


Quote by snipelfritz
Wait, your dick is in a chick's ass, and you're complaining.

Its a sad, sad day.
#7
Quote by 7daycrisis
Then why the hell does my girlfriend suck at handjobs??


She doesn't have a penis so she can't practice... I bet you suck at fingering her too.
Weird Al = Awesome
Buckethead = Awesome
Ergo, Awesome = Buckethead = Weird Al
Quote by Hart_Attack
the logic... its. so. precise! you broke the code! hail Omni-Ragnarok for answering lifes biggest question, who is buckethead.
#8
Quote by Omni-Ragnarok
She doesn't have a penis so she can't practice... I bet you suck at fingering her too.


Touche.

In fear of further embarassment, i will not be returning to this thread.
#9
I can almost guarantee there are guys out there that find it difficult to masterbate.
#10
Quote by tobysaurus
I can almost guarantee there are guys out there that find it difficult to masterbate.


it isn't easy all the time

sometimes it takes forever
my arm gets so ****ing tired, yet that's probable why i have muscle
Quote by bassboy 999
Cheers to you triple x maniac


Quote by snipelfritz
Wait, your dick is in a chick's ass, and you're complaining.

Its a sad, sad day.
#11
I dont know how to mastubate....

can somebody explain..?
Quote by SkyValley
Kids keep having sex younger and younger these days. Eventually kids will be born without their virginity and their first words will be "bow chicka bow wow."
#12
Quote by punk_metal2007
I dont know how to mastubate....

can somebody explain..?


lol fail
Quote by bassboy 999
Cheers to you triple x maniac


Quote by snipelfritz
Wait, your dick is in a chick's ass, and you're complaining.

Its a sad, sad day.
#13
Quote by punk_metal2007
I dont know how to mastubate....

can somebody explain..?


I think it's when you put peanutbutter all over your junk and let your dog lick it off... but I could be wrong. Everyone DOES do that... right guys? ... guys...?
Guitarist against wannabe punk rock-PM bangoodcharlote (one "t")
#14
its not the actual process of it, its more what comes before and after it (finding a good place & time to not get caught, cleaning up, emergency escapes, etc)
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
#15
WOW so much I dont know about!?!?!?!? I think I might need a tutor to get it all down though
Quote by SkyValley
Kids keep having sex younger and younger these days. Eventually kids will be born without their virginity and their first words will be "bow chicka bow wow."
#16
Quote by 7daycrisis
Then why the hell does my girlfriend suck at handjobs??


she doesn't have a penis, she doesn't know what what she is doing to you feels like. all you need to do is tell her when she does something you like, and show her what you'd like her to do. once she knows what feels good for you, she will do it and you'll enjoy yourself more.
from daylight...
...into darkness
#17
Quote by punk_metal2007
I dont know how to mastubate....

can somebody explain..?



Just out of curiosity how old are you?
Bands to see before I die:
Iron Maiden
Foo Fighters
Megadeth
Reel Big Fish
Rush
Streetlight Manifesto

Gear:
Epi LP Standard
Washburn Strat
Line 6 Spider (Yes, I know it's bad)

GAS:
Ibanez RG3570Z
Digitech Whammy
#19
Quote by punk_metal2007
I dont know how to mastubate....

can somebody explain..?

grab your pinky (not the finger) stroke, rub, prod or poke at it till it's erect.

then continue said action for a while till you have to clean the area directly in front or above you depending on your position, aim and power (remember to compensate for any curvature you may or may not have)
Rhythm in Jump. Dancing Close to You.

Quote by element4433
Yeah. people, like Lemoninfluence, are hypocrites and should have all their opinions invalidated from here on out.
#21
If my in depth guide wasn't good enough, you may wish to consult other resources to cross reference techniques and develop one that suits you.

http://www.ehow.com/Search.aspx?s=masturbate&Options=

EDIT: I dont think there's anything on there that shouldn't be, but if there is just let me know an I'll delete it.
Rhythm in Jump. Dancing Close to You.

Quote by element4433
Yeah. people, like Lemoninfluence, are hypocrites and should have all their opinions invalidated from here on out.
#22
Quote by divid3d
she doesn't have a penis, she doesn't know what what she is doing to you feels like. all you need to do is tell her when she does something you like, and show her what you'd like her to do. once she knows what feels good for you, she will do it and you'll enjoy yourself more.


You should have UG Sex Column.

Help I had cum on my knuckle and I fingered my girlfriend..IS SHE PREGNANT!?!!?!?!
if you have belief in ur soul and jesus you can do anything
#23
Quote by SupremeACL


Just out of curiosity how old are you?

16 and just incase your one of the people in threads that likes to ruin jokes then it was a joke before you start the dumness which im pretty sure everyone else knew it was a joke
Quote by SkyValley
Kids keep having sex younger and younger these days. Eventually kids will be born without their virginity and their first words will be "bow chicka bow wow."
#24
Lol, there was a bit about this on Coupling once.

Jeff was saying that it's easier to be gay because you can practise pleasuring your partner whenever you like, but men can't practise pleasing women.
Co-President of UG's Tubgirl Virgins Club

#25
Quote by greety
You should have UG Sex Column.

Help I had cum on my knuckle and I fingered my girlfriend..IS SHE PREGNANT!?!!?!?!



what about my helpful guide?

it's a mod conspiracy I tell you.
Rhythm in Jump. Dancing Close to You.

Quote by element4433
Yeah. people, like Lemoninfluence, are hypocrites and should have all their opinions invalidated from here on out.
#26
Quote by Lemoninfluence


what about my helpful guide?

it's a mod conspiracy I tell you.


Dude, I actually read the one on masturbating and porn. I lol'd pretty hard.

I mean, you put something on and you beat it. I didn't think there was a philosophy to immersing yourself in the porn fantasy.
if you have belief in ur soul and jesus you can do anything
#27
Quote by greety
You should have UG Sex Column.

Help I had cum on my knuckle and I fingered my girlfriend..IS SHE PREGNANT!?!!?!?!


i don't really wanna do anything that makes me more like popapez.
from daylight...
...into darkness
#28
Quote by punk_metal2007
16 and just incase your one of the people in threads that likes to ruin jokes then it was a joke before you start the dumness which im pretty sure everyone else knew it was a joke
Ok then. I figured it was a joke after reading one of your posts that was apparently posted right before mine. No hard feelings mate.
Bands to see before I die:
Iron Maiden
Foo Fighters
Megadeth
Reel Big Fish
Rush
Streetlight Manifesto

Gear:
Epi LP Standard
Washburn Strat
Line 6 Spider (Yes, I know it's bad)

GAS:
Ibanez RG3570Z
Digitech Whammy
#29
Quote by SupremeACL
Ok then. I figured it was a joke after reading one of your posts that was apparently posted right before mine. No hard feelings mate.

alright none here either I just thought the flaming would start if I didnt defend myself lol
Quote by SkyValley
Kids keep having sex younger and younger these days. Eventually kids will be born without their virginity and their first words will be "bow chicka bow wow."
#30
Quote by 7daycrisis
Then why the hell does my girlfriend suck at handjobs??



Dude I've figured out what you're doing wrong.....


forget about the handjobs....


and just let your girlfriend suck....
LollipopSkeletonsLollipopSkeletons
LollipopSkeletonsLollipopSkeletons
#31
Quote by JamieB
Lol, there was a bit about this on Coupling once.

Jeff was saying that it's easier to be gay because you can practise pleasuring your partner whenever you like, but men can't practise pleasing women.

I keep seeing your avatar in the corner of my eye, and thinking you're laughing at something in your post, and then I'm bewildered as to why you're not saying that something's funny, but then I realise it's just your avatar and not the actual smiley.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#32
Uh guys I just realized something
It takes no skill to breathe
If it did a lot of us would be screwed
#33
Quote by unholy_love
it takes no skill to masturbate..
like mostly every guy in the world can.
if it did take skill.. alot of guys would be screwed.


If you're just a casual masturbator then, yeah, it pretty much doesn't involve any skill.

But what if you're in the urinal, the washroom is empty, you're horny, so you gotta jack off in less than 20 seconds or else some guy's gonna walk in and disturb your peace. Can you do it?

Also, what if you're in class and you have to jack off? You have to use the least amount of movements possible in order to avoid enemy sights, in some cases you might not have the benefit of using your hands.
#34
Quote by Metal claw
If you're just a casual masturbator then, yeah, it pretty much doesn't involve any skill.

But what if you're in the urinal, the washroom is empty, you're horny, so you gotta jack off in less than 20 seconds or else some guy's gonna walk in and disturb your peace. Can you do it?

Also, what if you're in class and you have to jack off? You have to use the least amount of movements possible in order to avoid enemy sights, in some cases you might not have the benefit of using your hands.


you, metal claw, have thought WAY too much about this :P

doesnt it include icy hot and pictures of men somewhere?


jk
#35
Quote by Metal claw
If you're just a casual masturbator then, yeah, it pretty much doesn't involve any skill.

But what if you're in the urinal, the washroom is empty, you're horny, so you gotta jack off in less than 20 seconds or else some guy's gonna walk in and disturb your peace. Can you do it?

Also, what if you're in class and you have to jack off? You have to use the least amount of movements possible in order to avoid enemy sights, in some cases you might not have the benefit of using your hands.


scenario one. be as loud as possible and make them that uncomfortable that they leave.

scenario two. same as scenario one


...what?
Rhythm in Jump. Dancing Close to You.

Quote by element4433
Yeah. people, like Lemoninfluence, are hypocrites and should have all their opinions invalidated from here on out.
#36
has anyone ever licked up all the stuff that came out





LUCAS!!!!!!!

(\__/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your
(")_(") signature to help him gain world domination
#37
Quote by causomeguy35
has anyone ever licked up all the stuff that came out

ye... wait no.


>_>

<_<

erm. it was the cat

*rushes out to buy a mature cat*
Rhythm in Jump. Dancing Close to You.

Quote by element4433
Yeah. people, like Lemoninfluence, are hypocrites and should have all their opinions invalidated from here on out.
#39
Quote by triple_X_maniac
it isn't easy all the time

sometimes it takes forever
my arm gets so ****ing tired, yet that's probable why i have muscle



seriosly man





LUCAS!!!!!!!

(\__/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your
(")_(") signature to help him gain world domination