#1
I know this is my third time, but I still don't think it's perfected yet.

The other night I looked up,
And I could't see the stars.
They were blotted out by those polluting
Factories of ours.


The other day I woke up early,
Just to see the purple dawn,
But we have lost that too,
Thanks to our trains and planes and cars.

But maybe
Nature will last
Maybe
The shadow cast
By hatred
Will have passed,
But all I know is
This too will pass.

The other day I tried to find meaning
In this twisted world of ours,
But voilence blocks our goodwill,
Just like the prision bars

That hold convicts,
Wrongly accused,
Because of ethnicity.
And can politicians sit by and watch
With their power and their greed
As their only company

But maybe
Peace will last
Maybe
The shadow cast
By hatred
Will have passed,
But all I know is
This too will pass.


This too will pass.
#2
Theres some good ideas in this lyric. I would suggest picking one topic, rather then the fact that there are a lot of negative things happening in the world. So for example write a piece on pollution, and another on someone wrongfuly accused. If you decide to take this stance on a whole bunch of topics in one song, why not write a whole wack of material using the ideas outlined here? I like the thought of the re-cycling of nature so stick with that. As it stands now, it seems more like another outburst on some blog then a real song that will change the way people look at a problem. You have some great ideas here, like i said, just work with them individually and they will form much more inspirational pieces. For example, research some people who have been wrongfully accused and write a song based on their point of view. It will be both easier to write and have a greater impact on the reader/listener. Keep up the good work! PS there is a song titled "This too shall pass" by a band called The Fold, its a good song so check it out too!
#3
Meh, don't get discouraged. Just keep at it. I like it the way it is though but thats just my opinion. Add/take out what you think should be taken out.

I really like the way you set this up. And I can tell this has feeling in it and since it's your third time then I know this is an important piece and not just something you just threw together. I think it's good when people are that passionate about their work. I give this piece an 8/10

Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=677854