#1
Verse 1:
I just thought.
That I was more important.
Then a second glance.
Give me a chance, again.

For two long years.
I waited so faithfully.
Waited just to see.
If you would see me differently.

Others arose.
I dare not impose.
But I am not perfect.
We all have our secrets.

Turn your head.
Blind your eyes.
Love is hard to find.
When it's disguised.

Verse 2:
And I thought maybe for a second.
This look that your giving me.
Might not be so deceiving.
Stopped short of misleading.

Stop your heart from beating.
You have all you needed.
Break my heart that's filled with lies.
You've only showed how false love can be.

No chorus as of now. I'll write it when I find what it needs to be.
Feel free to be brutal. Crit 4 Crit.
Quote by Metal-X
But last time I cranked my amp up. A small bird flew by at the same time I did a pinch harmonic.... and it exploded....



Too Late
#2
well... its not so solid lyricism, a little over generalized and generic, but with a little tweaking it could be a decent work...

heres a break down

Verse 1:
I just thought.
That I was more important.


Then a second glance.
Give me a chance, again.

^^it seems a little generic, like we've heard it before*

For two long years.
I waited so faithfully.
Waited just to see.
If you would see me differently.

^^better than the first stanza... it gets to the point very nicely*

Others arose.
I dare not impose.
But I am not perfect.
We all have our secrets.

^^like the change in rhyme sceme*

Turn your head.
Blind your eyes.
Love is hard to find.
When it's disguised.

^^possible chorus??*

Verse 2:
And I thought maybe for a second.
This look that your giving me.
Might not be so deceiving.
Stopped short of misleading.

Stop your heart from beating.
You have all you needed.
Break my heart that's filled with lies.
You've only showed how false love can be.

^^better than the first two stanzas... overall not a bad piece just a little bland...
i have two songs currently on the first page... crit if you have the time please...
Don't try engaging me
The vaguest of shrugs
The prescription drugs
You'll never find
A person inside

Quote by saphrax
I agree with This End Up
#3
Man do I love critting these pieces. I can really picture this piece as if I were in it. It's just that good. Very powerful too. I write like this alot also and it's not always easy and you've obviously put alot of thought into this one. I'd give it a 9/10. Keep it up!

Crit?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=10863261#post10863261
#4
Thanks guys! I'm busy right now but I will crit for yall!
Quote by Metal-X
But last time I cranked my amp up. A small bird flew by at the same time I did a pinch harmonic.... and it exploded....



Too Late