#1
Hey hey-
Where ya goin, headed to town?
Hey hey-
Whatcha doin walkin around
Hey hey-
Where ya going lookin so down?
We're goin to the club, to sell each other by the pound

Hey hey-
What's your secret, you can tell me
Hey hey-
Tell me dear, you know you'll feel free
Hey hey, that's okay, my problem's just the same
And it only takes the dark of night to wash away the flame

Just take your wrists
And take your blade
Do a double-step twist
Until the floor's a new shade

Just take your knives
And take your cuffs
Grab a razor blade,
And baby, cut, cut, cut

You do the black-soul boogey and you turn yourself around
Then you can get down on your knees and you suck me all down

Hey hey-
Where ya goin lookin so low
Hey hey-
Not a place with no where to go
Hey hey, that's ok
You can stay with me
We can cut ourselves together as long as you love me

Hey hey-
Why so tame, so boring's more the term
Hey hey-
I've got a kink, but I don't know the word
Hey hey, that's okay, I know you wouldn't mind
You can show me yours and then I can show you mine

Just take your wrists
And take your blade
Do a double-step twist
Until the floor's a new shade

Just take your knives
And take your cuffs
Strap me to the wall
And baby, cut, cut, cut
We'll do the black-soul boogey, you can shake me all about
And when we're done doing that I'll probly still stick around
The black-soul boogey (x3)

Put your left foot in
(and pick up your gun)
Take your left foot out
(now you're havin some fun)
Put your left foot in
(baby give it a ****)
And shake it all about
(hope it never stops)
Now put your whole self in
(make sure to unwind)
Take your whole self out
(I know you wouldn't mind)
Put your whole self in
(Now it's time to relax)
And shake it all about
(We're gonna finish our task)

You do the black-soul boogey and you turn yourself around
And if you don't feel any better, you can kill yourself now!

Just take your wrists
And take your blade
Do a double-step twist
Until the floor's a new shade

You do the black-soul boogey and you turn yourself around
And if you're feeling any better, you can **** me now!

....

crit 4 crit & all that snazzy teen stuff
Don't try engaging me
The vaguest of shrugs
The prescription drugs
You'll never find
A person inside

Quote by saphrax
I agree with This End Up
#2
Really cool rhyme scheme, and it flowed great. My favorite part was the first two stanzas. Personally, I hated the subject, but lyrically/technically or whatever, it was nice.
Quote by hug a llama
You put parentheses in parentheses. I...I...I think I love you.

Quote by Vos
THANK YOU! You're my hero!
#3
I really like the hey hey parts. It kinda reminds me of the style led zeppelin uses. Overall it's a pretty decent song and I get the flow and all and I'd give it a 8/10

Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=10863261#post10863261
#5
yes i do
Don't try engaging me
The vaguest of shrugs
The prescription drugs
You'll never find
A person inside

Quote by saphrax
I agree with This End Up
#6
If there's anything worse than cliche suicide songs it's the cliche making fun of suicide songs. Problems suck, writing about problems in a terrible, Hawthorne Heights-ish manor sucks, but demeaning other people's problems simply because you don't have them is even lower than low. It's patronizing and you have no right to hold yourself above someone else like that.

And the song is actually horrible. So I suggest you leave and come back only if you have some real content to add to the forums.

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