#1
Me and my mate were talking about love songs the other day. I thinkl it is hard to write a love song without hitting the cliches and it coming across a bit femme; he disagreed. I tried this song but i found I couldn't escape those traps; he says he will post one soon. I just want you guys to have a look.

verse

I saw the sadness lines
the sorrow in your eyes
I saw your spirit gone
but I loved you all along

and I never meant to do it
that girl just seemed to be there
and I could never stop it
and I swear, I swear

now tell me did your heart break
I thought I heard it crack
tell me did your knees shake
did a chill crawl up your back
when you found out i lied
did you see her picture in your mind

verse 2

we started off well
I even loved your smell
I loved your dark hair
and I didn't want to share

and I never meant to do it
that girl just seemed to be there
and I could never stop it
and I swear, I swear

now tell me did your heart break
I thought I heard it crack
tell me did your knees shake
did a chill crawl up your back
when you found out i lied
did you see her picture in your mind


I could write on but i ain't feeling it, which is my point about love songs. plus i have a toothache and can't be assed.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
#2
it's actualy a pretty good song considering the fact that 'your not feeling it'

the title is very britney spearish, not sure if it was intended or not.
#3
I like this. Reading it, I feel like it could fit in to any genre from country, to pop, maybe even a power ballad? It's awesome how some people can take even the silliest/ least normal topics and make songs out of them that make sense.
#4
i actually really like it. i agree, change the title . other than that it's realllly good. the long stanza/chorus thing is my favorite, it really seems to have a great flow and i just really didn't see much wrong with it. i kinda agree you'll have some cliche moments and all but this was pulled off verrry well. could you crit blink? it's in my sig.
#6
you are seven years too late for that to be a legitimate title.

it seems really insincere - oops I cheated again is not how I would break the bad news to a girl. and the chorus kind of rubs it in a little. the I swear, I swear is incredibly unconvincing. (if someone's saying to you over and over they swear do you believe them?)

but then I got to thinking maybe that's the point
maybe this guy's cheating on her for a reason despite what he's saying in this piece.
which would be pretty cool. though it's not perfect - I don't like the first stanza of the second verse at all - but pretty cool.

the one thing I'm going to suggest in this is taking out seemed. she didn't seem to be there. she was there. he ****ed her. put she was just there or something of that nature. trust.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#7
With regards to the title, i didn't have one so just wrote something that vaugly fit the song. I hate titles.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.