#1
Hey just a little christianihs type poem based on the book of revelation...rhymes are kinda Dr. Seuse at first, but it's still semi decent.


I slide closer to the edge
of insanity
All these decayed morals
and profanity
All the sins
All the lies
As the wolf
in disguise
Takes control.

He's seeks those that he
may devour
When he finds one it's
such a dark hour
All the blood
All the gore
This isn't
folk lore
As the wolf
in disguise
Takes control

But I haven't lost hope,
the fights already been won
Already been one,
before it's begun.
#2
Quote by HLrocker


I slide closer to the edge
of insanity
All these decayed morals
and profanity
All the sins
All the lies
As the wolf
in disguise
Takes control.
I like the thought, although the last line just doesnt seem to fit the rhythm

He's seeks those that he
may devour
When he finds one it's
such a dark hour
All the blood
All the gore
This isn't
folk lore
As the wolf
in disguise
Takes control
Again i like the imagery, good stuff. but i have a problem fitting in that last line


But I haven't lost hope,
the fights already been won
Already been one,
before it's begun.
I dont quite get this last stanza, its a sudden shift change then a repeated line, and then a sudden drop off... it feels as though you just cut it off. that its not finished.

Overall i liked it. had good imagery, it didnt really sound "Dr. Suessish" to me... it wasnt corny.
keep it up dude

if you get a chance i would appreciate a crit on mine, theres a link in my sig... not sure if its your cup of tea tho..:stickpoke
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