#1
This is a song I was writing about old guy I know who wanted to be a rockstar more than anything but he never made it. Now he installs ceiling fans. It's just the first verse so if you got any ideas please share them and its a ska punk song.

Verse:
Ray had so many plans and dreams
When he was young
He never guessed
This would be the man that he'd become
But now he's here
Looking back on all his missed opportunities
Now he's here
With all his failed attempts

Bridge:
He wasn't in it for the fame
He wasn't in it for the fortune
Just give a guitar and an amp
Crank up the ****ing distortion!!
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM
Last edited by Descendent-182 at Sep 25, 2007,
#2
for a punk rock fast hardcore song its really awesome

but err can you make it a little less direct?

i mean yeah punk is like that but its not that direct even
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#4
thanks for the crit! i agree with saad. and looked back on all his missed opportunities doesn't seem to flow at all. the bridge is really cliche, (mostly the first two lines), like seriously, i hear that all the time. you should definitely chang that. i guess it's ok, but nothing real amazing. it would be easier to crit to if it were longer. sorry if i was harsh.
#5
Quote by Descendent-182

Verse:
Ray had so many plans and dreams
When he was young
He never guessed
This would be the man that he'd become
But now he's here
Looking back on all his missed opportunities
Now he's here
With all his failed attempts
you got a good idea, but im not really feeling any sort of rhythm when i read through this, and also what saad said its really direct, but you already know this

Bridge:
He wasn't in it for the fame
He wasn't in it for the fortune
Just give a guitar and an amp
Crank up the ****ing distortion!!
lol i agree with cyclones, that is really cliche but i do like the last lines they caught me offgaurd

overall good idea, reminds me of ballad of Curtis Lowe by Skynyrd, not sure if thats what you were referencing in the title
is this the whole song? or are you still working on it?
i gotta ask
why did you write this song?... im not seeing a purpose in your lyrics. is ray someone you admire, a guy with real talent that never got the chance, or someone you kind of feel sry for. whats the point?
keep workin at it man, its really powerful idea and has plenty of potential.

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...../.\... Oh, and thx for the Crit!
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#6
Hey D.J.!!!

You're on to something here. Can't wait to see how my life ends. Keep it coming.

Best wishes,
Ray Repp