#1
This is basically a song about my life and what I do on fridays and sundays etc. and about the drinking, smoking and just plain rockin culture that follows music around.

Hope you enjoy!!! - CRIT FOR CRIT.....

Verse1:-

With every simple song that I sing, well I wonder and ponder what tomorrow could bring. Feeling like **** after a night out on the piss, ticking off what’s been done so far on the list.

Verse2:-

Getting home and having some hair of the dog, a cure they say like fresh air and a jog. Finish the pint and light up the last fag, be reminded that you quit by mum and dad.

Verse3:-

Goin out Friday so I’m gonna do it again, kimi said they’re goin with like 50 best friends. Another beer, another fag another pint, another piss, another fuss, and yet another fight, and it’s all long gone by the end of the night.

Chorus:-

Goin out into town I’m gonna mess with my mind, you wont find more of me cause there’s only one of a kind. I’l repeat the cycle and spin the wheel once more, ten pints of fosters and I’l be on the floor. Wake up next mornin head like a drum, oh bollocks It’s Monday this isn’t gonna be fun.

Verse:-4

One thing about me is I’l never learn a lesson, doesn’t matter if it’s at college or another band session. I’l lose my notes and scribble them on the palm of my hand, and I’l proceed to write a song you wont understand.

Verse:-5

I hear there’s a rave up cornard at night through tomorrow, so I’m wondering if that crate of yours I can borrow? Look at the time cause it’s gone way too fast, gotta rush out the door with my license just passed.

Verse:-6

Sunday morning gonna be behind for my studio date, it’s still gotta be mixed and mastered but the fans are getting irate. Off to a concert this weekend it’s an evening show, no surprise there then get in a bud and lets go.
Chorus:-

Goin out into town I’m gonna mess with my mind, you wont find more of me cause there’s only one of a kind. I’l repeat the cycle and spin the wheel once more, ten pints of fosters and I’l be on the floor. Wake up next mornin head like a drum, oh bollocks It’s Monday this isn’t gonna be fun.

Chorus:-

Goin out into town I’m gonna mess with my mind, you wont find more of me cause there’s only one of a kind. I’l repeat the cycle and spin the wheel once more, ten pints of fosters and I’l be on the floor. Wake up next mornin head like a drum, oh bollocks It’s Monday this isn’t gonna be fun.
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
#2
i think this song is good as well man. you write the same way i like to write which is using alot of metephores and sybolism. i think this is something pretty good.
#3
hehe thanks....got any more of yours for me to crit??........
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
#4
Quote by Driveshaft Dan


Verse1:-

With every simple song that I sing, well I wonder and ponder what tomorrow could bring. Feeling like **** after a night out on the piss, ticking off what’s been done so far on the list.
this one is good except for the last line. the flow gets chunky at the end, at least how im reading it. maybe if you said "ticking off what's been done on our list" or something like that. it flows a little better keeping with the meter of the rest. sounds like a fun night

Verse2:-

Getting home and having some hair of the dog, a cure they say like fresh air and a jog. Finish the pint and light up the last fag, be reminded that you quit by mum and dad.
the word "having" in the first line isn't great. it doesn't have enough emotion in it. i mean you are fitshacedd and you want another to cure your hangover. all are strong emotions (drunk, dizzy, sick) so find another word to bring life to it. like "choking down" or something, give it some character. last line sounds good but flows oddly. any other way you can say it (without killing the rhyme scheme)?
Verse3:-

Goin out Friday so I’m gonna do it again, kimi said they’re goin with like 50 best friends. Another beer, another fag another pint, another piss, another fuss, and yet another fight, and it’s all long gone by the end of the night.
good first two lines. no gramatical genius or anything but it fits the style of the song and sounds good. i cant really find the pattern on how to say that list of "another ___" other than that this one is pretty good

Chorus:-

Goin out into town I’m gonna mess with my mind, you wont find more of me cause there’s only one of a kind. I’l repeat the cycle and spin the wheel once more, ten pints of fosters and I’l be on the floor. Wake up next mornin head like a drum, oh bollocks It’s Monday this isn’t gonna be fun.
good first line, interesting how you know/kind of look foreward to "messing with your mind." second line towards the end the flow slows down. could you say "cause I'm one of a kind" or something like that? i like lines 3 and 4. nicely put. simple yet fun. 5 and 6 are good too. haha, bollocks.

Verse:-4

One thing about me is I’l never learn a lesson, doesn’t matter if it’s at college or another band session. I’l lose my notes and scribble them on the palm of my hand, and I’l proceed to write a song you wont understand.
this one is good but it doesnt really fit with the rest of the song. the rest talks about getting messed up but this part talks about college. dont get me wrong its a good stanza, i just dont think that it fits here...or really in the song.

Verse:-5

I hear there’s a rave up cornard at night through tomorrow, so I’m wondering if that crate of yours I can borrow? Look at the time cause it’s gone way too fast, gotta rush out the door with my license just passed.
all the lines here seem to be backwards, like you had to force them together to make them rhyme right. i suggest rewriting this part just because the rest of the song is better flowy, but this part hits a brick wall.
Verse:-6

Sunday morning gonna be behind for my studio date, it’s still gotta be mixed and mastered but the fans are getting irate. Off to a concert this weekend it’s an evening show, no surprise there then get in a bud and lets go.

Chorus:-

Goin out into town I’m gonna mess with my mind, you wont find more of me cause there’s only one of a kind. I’l repeat the cycle and spin the wheel once more, ten pints of fosters and I’l be on the floor. Wake up next mornin head like a drum, oh bollocks It’s Monday this isn’t gonna be fun.
the whole song is written in sort of lower level english, if you get what i mean. the word "irate" not only sticks out because it is extremely forced, but also because it doesn't sound like a word the narrator would use. its hard to explain.
Chorus:-

Goin out into town I’m gonna mess with my mind, you wont find more of me cause there’s only one of a kind. I’l repeat the cycle and spin the wheel once more, ten pints of fosters and I’l be on the floor. Wake up next mornin head like a drum, oh bollocks It’s Monday this isn’t gonna be fun.


overall not bad at all. the song reminds me of green street hooligans or something. nice work. keep adjusting and it will be great crit mine when you get a chance: My Passions, My Bruises
Quote by TonyRandall

you are definately a skilled writer.



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