#1
this is my first song and post haha but ive been told by mates that the lyrics would go well with a sort of thrash or death metal set of riffs any ideas post them...

BURN!


My, God what are these Bastards doing?
I lived in peace!
Now they burn all i own!
Thinking they have the right!


Betrayed!
Burn these Bastards!
BURN for everything you have done!
Everything you have said!
Burn for your sins!
The pain you caused!
MOTHER ****ERS BURN!


I stand
Ready to destroy these Bastards!
As we stand to watch them burn!
Drawing the sword!
My blood boils as i look at the ****ERS who did this!


Betrayed!
Burn these Bastards!
BURN for everything you have done!
Everything you have said!
Burn for your sins!
The pain you caused!
MOTHER ****ERS BURN!


I will go on until the last breath!
Struggle through the War!
My God, help me to carry on until the enemy tastes my Blood!
I shall taste the blood of my enemy for the pain they caused!
I say burn mother ****ers BURN!


[solo]


Betrayed!
Burn these Bastards!
BURN for everything you have done!
Everything you have said!
Burn for your sins!
The pain you caused!
MOTHER ****ERS BURN!


[start of harmonic outro]


BURN!! BURN!! BURN!!
Listen to me!
Listen to them!
Listen to me!
Listen to them!
BITCH YOUR GOING TO BURN!! [all finishes at the same time]
#3
To be honest, i don't like the lyrics, but if you put it to some death metal music....
It's gonna be a blue day
#4
Hello there. Welcome to S+L. Make sure you read the rules before posting, or you will make mistakes that will lead your thread to be closed. In this case, it was the title, you must read the rules on it. Your title can only include the following: Song Name/untitled, Unfinished and O.T.S. As well, you can add the genre of your song in brackets. I'm sorry mate:


*reported*


Read the rules and you'll be fine.
#5
Quote by dandruff123

BURN!


My, God what are these Bastards doing?
I lived in peace!
Now they burn all i own!
Thinking they have the right!


Betrayed!
Burn these Bastards!
BURN for everything you have done!
Everything you have said!
Burn for your sins!
The pain you caused!
MOTHER ****ERS BURN!


I stand
Ready to destroy these Bastards! Maybe you should choose a synonym of bastards.
As we stand to watch them burn! use something other than burn
Drawing the sword!
My blood boils as i look at the ****ERS who did this!


Betrayed!
Burn these Bastards!
BURN for everything you have done!
Everything you have said!
Burn for your sins!
The pain you caused!
MOTHER ****ERS BURN!


I will go on until the last breath!
Struggle through the War!
My God, help me to carry on until the enemy tastes my Blood! should they taste your blood??
I shall taste the blood of my enemy for the pain they caused!
I say burn mother ****ers BURN!


[solo]


Betrayed!
Burn these Bastards!
BURN for everything you have done!
Everything you have said!
Burn for your sins!
The pain you caused!
MOTHER ****ERS BURN!


[start of harmonic outro]


BURN!! BURN!! BURN!!
Listen to me!
Listen to them!
Listen to me!
Listen to them!
BITCH YOUR GOING TO BURN!! [all finishes at the same time]Throughout the song, you've been talking about several people, but now you refer to one person. this should be reworked. Also, its "you're", not "your".



This could sound cool as a really heavy metal song.

I hope you understand my crits.

Can you have crit my lyrics please. The song is called On This Road, and the link is below

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=680490

Cheers

Neil
UG's Stock Market Guy

Hablo Español
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My Recordings:

Dissident Blues
El Farol
Lenny
We'll Make This Work
Stop This Train