#1
This will get me to my weekly quota :P I guess I'm a bit productive lately. This is a more catchy sort of song, I kind of imagined it based around either a bass or piano part and kind of sparse guitar playing. Though that is irrelevant to the lyrics I guess. Anyway feel free to tear it apart. The lyrics are kind of naive and based around a lot of rhyming so be warned. Just meant to be a cute sort of love song.


From the first time I saw your eyes
I wanted you part of my life
Yours is a face that's hard to miss
And it's the only one I want to kiss

You're the kind of man i want to know
If you love me too then just say so
The world is full of such scary weather
Let's go and face that storm together

If you're with me I can't be blue
I know I'm young but you are too
We'll never know what life will pass us
So to love lets raise our glasses

I need to tell you this but I'm so shy
It's hard to say this, I don't know why
Please be patient, please be kind

All i want is you here by my side


We'll rent a place with shady trees
Where we can feel a nice cool breeze
By the flower beds we will hide
And when it rains we'll stay inside

If you say you'll be a good man to me
I'll be the best woman I can be
We'll be fine with just each other
I promise I'll never love another

If you just let me have your heart
We need never be apart
With you I could spend all of my days
I wouldn't have it any other way

I need to tell you this but I'm so shy
It's hard to say this, I don't know why
Please be patient, please be kind

All I want is you here by my side
I made you a cookie but I eated it.
#2
I like it . I beleive that you can still write a good song without having so many metaphors and such that it's as full as a catholic school.
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I know i wish i was as cool as you and be into Sum 41 and Taking back Sunday. Gaylord.

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you should call one of the songs, "Respecting Old People" just to mix things up.

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#3
i like your song. i especially like your lines "the world is full of...storm together." you took a simple cliched idea such as storms and made it not only sound good, but sound clever too. tbh you took a very tired subject and made it work. that's pretty tough to do. i hope you write music for this because I would love to hear it sung out. keep up the good work
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you are definately a skilled writer.



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#4
I really like it. It gives me a real laid back kind of vibe. I can picture a Jack Johnson style song here maybe. I like it when the song is kept simple, but still has some depth, and this really does that for me. Good job! (BTW, nice amp you've got there!)

Crit mine if you get the chance (In the sig!)
#5
Thanks for the comments y'all. =)
I made you a cookie but I eated it.
#6
From the first time I saw your eyes
I wanted you part of my life
Yours is a face that's hard to miss
And it's the only one I want to kiss
Nothing to be said about this one, i like it

You're the kind of man i want to know
If you love me too then just say so
The world is full of such scary weather
Let's go and face that storm together
These last 2 lines are great, a cliche taken and said a clever way

If you're with me I can't be blue
I know I'm young but you are too
We'll never know what life will pass us
So to love lets raise our glasses

I need to tell you this but I'm so shy
It's hard to say this, I don't know why
Please be patient, please be kind
i didnt really understand this last, maybe its just me

All i want is you here by my side


We'll rent a place with shady trees
Where we can feel a nice cool breeze
By the flower beds we will hide
And when it rains we'll stay inside

If you say you'll be a good man to me
I'll be the best woman I can be
We'll be fine with just each other
I promise I'll never love another
loved this verse, yet another cliche spun in a new way

If you just let me have your heart
We need never be apart
With you I could spend all of my days
I wouldn't have it any other way
i liked this verse, but especially the 2nd line, you said what you wanted and omitted pointless words.

I need to tell you this but I'm so shy
It's hard to say this, I don't know why
Please be patient, please be kind

All I want is you here by my side


all in all a very good piece, like others have said before,it is hard to take a cliched topic and spin it in a new way. i've been drilled for trying a few times myself

i especially liked the rhyme scheme, not usually a fan of everything rhyming, but i have one piece like it. anyways, yours was a catchy and definitely kept my attention.
good job!
if you get a chance, critique mine? its called This Is My Soul(Wasting Away)