#1
Music for this piece can be found here: www.myspace.com/whiamusic

The Great Divide

Here at the edge
Of the great divide where
Melodies become
Zeroes and ones
I'm wondering
If these notes are sharp enough
To cut across
But there's too much space
Between your speakers
And where I am
That it doesn't matter
How loud I sing

You know
You never heard a word I said
You know
You never heard a word I said

Here at the edge
Of the great divide where
Your memory falls flat
I'm wondering if you're sharp enough
To cut back across
But there's too much space
Between the notes you write and
How you conduct yourself
That it doesn't matter
How loud I sing

You know
You never heard a word I said
[x4]

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#2
Interesting topic, first of all. If I wasn't a download scank and now on dial-up speed, I'd check out your music that goes with it.

But on the subject of the lyrics, I think they get the message across, what you're trying to say is rather clear, but still masked to an idiot who would try to decipher them. Which in my opinion is good.

I would look forward to hearing the lyrics with the song, because only then are words true lyrics.
#3
I like it. The words really suit the music, (which is pretty good by the way). I actually sung out the lyrics to it, and I got the timings right. And I feel that it still flows even though it doesn't rhyme. The music metaphor is nice, I really liked this part here:
Quote by Petey Cook

Between the notes you write and
How you conduct yourself

I think it means that the person says one thing, but their actions don't reflect that. Overall, I think it's about someone who puts a 'great divide' between them and you, and whatever you say, they don't acknowledge. I didn't think it was necessarily about death, but I liked that it's an overused title with a slightly different meaning.

And thanks for the crit, it's what I needed to hear.
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upside down
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I don't have an ass.


#5
I didn't think it was necessarily about death


You're right, it's not. It's about a one-sided friendship with my ex-guitarist. The title is actually ganked from the only one of his many many songs that I didn't think sucked. Then when I wrote mine I realized that the metaphor worked.

Dorkus: I've always found that the repetition of choruses and verse structures provides really interesting opportunities to change the meaning of the new verse and the old verse by subtley changing small bits of it. Also, in a pragmatic sense, it's very easy to get an entire, three and a half minute song out of one verse and two lines if you know how to do this correctly.

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[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

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#6
I spent a few days trying to figure out what this was about. It is written extremely well, I really enjoyed your other piece as well [the fourth wall? something like that] but I haven't really commented much on your work at all. At first I thought this was about love, trying to win over somebodies heart through the whole 'cool musician' thing. I think I actually preferred thinking about it that way, than it being about one of your band members. Nevertheless, this is still a great, original piece. This is just a suggestion, and based on personal preference, but the last chorus thing I would change to 'I know you never heard a word I said'. Just [for me] makes it a little more powerful, and personal.

Anyway, awesome work.

Crit mine if you get a chance? Obsession, the link is in my sig. thanks.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#8
Scott Stapp, anyone?
Quote by death_metaller
**** burzum XD

there i said it...kinda

edit: i do realise they are not here...so i kinda didnt say it...




fail
#9
Lovely song. very well written and i love the way it can have multiple meanings, which leaves the listener to apply it in the way they like. i cant stand songs which have obvious meanings so yours was really good. i agree with whatshisname... ahh.... snowblind dude, that it would work changing the last lines to 'I...'
or actually, if I was you, I would make all the choruses say 'I know you never heard...' and have the very last line say 'You know you never heard...'.
but seeing as I'm not you, I guess its up to you. but consider it cus I think thatd really pin it on him
anyway, hope this helped a lil bit. let us know how it ends up eh?


play beautiful
#10
Scott Stapp, anyone?


No?

Dinha + Snowblind: That's not a bad suggestion. It's pretty interchangeable as is, it might work for a cool live variation or something.

Thanks for the reads, fellas.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

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