#1
I've always wanted to write and record some strong rap songs, but it's been years since I've last taken a stab at hip hop lyricism. So, tonight I just opened up Notepad and started typing away. For my lyrical content, I chose a topic that's always interested me (and indeed I've written about it before).

Anyways, this is just meant to be an introductory verse to a full song.


Digitz of Hell

In the east end side of a mass divide, World
War II in a mass culture collide.
Across the sea from a nation weak, was a
Small but deadly powerful streak, of a
Land we know as the place of Japan, and
In this war was a powerful plan, and
Thus was made, in the militant raid, a
Unit came of three digits to blame, and
Six six six, the number of which, was
Put to blame in the game of kitsch, I
Present to you, a forgotten tale, of a
Scientific endeavor of hell.


...yep. Crit for crit, and all that jazz. Please be specific in your feedback.
#2

I think some people will find your title off putting but those fucks don't know much so I'm gonna comment. I love a bit of rap when I'm in the mood, but only when it has lyrics like these. Absolutely love it




love is a dog from hell.



#4
that is some pretty awesome work
pringa


Are you taking over? Or are you taking orders?
Are you going backwards? Or are you going forwards?


#5
That's great stuff, I really like it. Even reading it my head I get a "flow" fromt the words, which can only be a good thing!

Crit mine in my sig if you feel like it!
#6
^ Yeah, I always try to type the lyrics so that an objective reader would be able to get a sense of the flow. Thus the plethora of caesura. If you want to hear the general intended flow of the verse, you can hear an incomplete demo of the verse in my profile. Though, even that wasn't really how I intended the verse to sound. =/
#7
+1, Really enjoyed it...Reminded me of Rage Against The Machine, I don't know if you'll take it as a compliment to you, but I love them...Big secret, well done
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+1
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EDIT: Sammcl pretty much got it dead on.
#8
Nothing there to crit really . I am not much fan of rap music but ur lyrics are meaningful
and don't sound cheesy . I'll crit ur other one to return the favour.

Srry it took me this long to return a favour


Andy
Hi
#12
The internal rhyming scheme is simply amazing, the way in which you covered the topic was outstanding, the topic you used is fairly new and not commonly used and i could hear it in my head also.....well done...good job........
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