#1
Edited due to some minor changes.


Strong Intro:

"And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals, and I heard,
as it were the noise of thunder, all four beasts saying, Come and see."
(Revelations 6:1)


who recieved their power?

Me!


No holds Barred, a Free For All
you screwed with me
you wont be standing at all

waiting for the sign
It's Time to react
You treated me bad
No one can hold me back!

Emit my ANGER!!!
RELEASe MY HATE!
MY End's A RUMOUR!
EXCELLed OVER FATE!


NO ONE CAN HELP YOU LIVE
YOU THINK YOU CAN FEND?
When BY YOURSELF your VUNERABLE,
THIS IS THE END!

Emit my ANGER!!!
RELEASe MY HATE!
MY End's A RUMOUR!
EXCELLed OVER FATE!


Sick Guitar solo
Quote by bambi_slaughter

what sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender?
i dunno, i was to busy masturba ting.

Quote by maroon5mustdie
EVH. I saw him in concert. And his brother was seriously the worst bass player I've ever seen.

Quote by operation ktulu
if my guitar had a pussy, i would never leave my room
Last edited by MetallicSoul92 at Oct 13, 2007,
#2
I like the sick guitar solo.
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Quote by lil-matee
what is a solo?
#3
I thought some of the rhymes are kind of forced, but its pretty good. I like your style of writing, in fact i write alot in a similar style, but i don't think that i've ever written as good a metal song as this.
#4
i get alot of inspiration from Bands like Lamb Of God, and stuff like that. also my step bro (pain in the ass) inspired me to make another song which im probably putting up soon
Quote by bambi_slaughter

what sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender?
i dunno, i was to busy masturba ting.

Quote by maroon5mustdie
EVH. I saw him in concert. And his brother was seriously the worst bass player I've ever seen.

Quote by operation ktulu
if my guitar had a pussy, i would never leave my room
#5
Quote by chimairapwns
I thought some of the rhymes are kind of forced, but its pretty good. I like your style of writing, in fact i write alot in a similar style, but i don't think that i've ever written as good a metal song as this.


I think it's supposed to be forced. After all, metal is all about brute force.

TS: I like the Biblical allusion in the beginning, and a lot of the lines are pretty good, but I don't like the "you treated me bad" part, to be honest. I don't think it really fits.
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#6
yea i was trying to think of something to put there instead... couldnt find any lol.
Quote by bambi_slaughter

what sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender?
i dunno, i was to busy masturba ting.

Quote by maroon5mustdie
EVH. I saw him in concert. And his brother was seriously the worst bass player I've ever seen.

Quote by operation ktulu
if my guitar had a pussy, i would never leave my room
#7
The title is pretty generic and the intro is very cheesy. The rhymes also sound a bit forced too. But I enjoyed the theme and general presentation. This would probably be one of those songs which sounds much better than it reads. You've a very fertile imagination just your delivery needs a little work.
#8
hey, thx for the thing u said really couldnt call it a crit, cuz u didnt say much to change, rather t just that it was awesome, either way, thx. but i like it, especially the allusion from the bible, nice dude, nice. some parts were forced, tho, u might wanna revise it just a lil, but keep the general idea and them eu have going, i like it, and hope to see more of ur sh*it dude, nice work
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#9
Quote by MetallicSoul92


Strong Intro:

"And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals, and I heard,
as it were the noise of thunder, all four beasts saying, Come and see."
(Revelations 6:1)
(love the reference to the bible here, im going to guess this is going to be somewhere along the lines black metal or an old speed metal?)


who recieved their power? (misspelled word - correctly spelled received)

Me!


No holds Barred, a Free For All
you screwed with me
you wont be standing at all (i like the idea of this part, but i think something like
"now you wont stand at all" would sound a bit better)


waiting for the sign
It's Time to react
You treated me bad (again i like the idea, but it doesn't sound as blunt and angry as the rest of the piece, maybe consider a synonym for bad?)
No one can hold me back!

Emit my ANGER!!!
RELEASe MY HATE!
MY End's A RUMOUR!
EXCELLed OVER FATE!
(haha capitals im guessing screams or growls? good, it goes good with the power of the piece)

NO ONE CAN HELP YOU LIVE
YOU THINK YOU CAN FEND?
When BY YOURSELF your VUNERABLE,
THIS IS THE END!
(i like this part, nothin to say about it)

Emit my ANGER!!!
RELEASe MY HATE!
MY End's A RUMOUR!
EXCELLed OVER FATE!


Sick Guitar solo
(if you put music to this, i cant wait to hear the solo! :P )



pretty good overall, can't wait to see more from you. this wasn't my type of writing, although i like metal. it definitely caught my attention, well done!
#11
hey hey sounds pretty good.
the beginning reminds me of omerta, with that deeeeeeep and deadly tone.
mwahahahaha
i like.
#12
Pretty good just please change the title, its been used soooooooo many times.
#13
ok
Quote by bambi_slaughter

what sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender?
i dunno, i was to busy masturba ting.

Quote by maroon5mustdie
EVH. I saw him in concert. And his brother was seriously the worst bass player I've ever seen.

Quote by operation ktulu
if my guitar had a pussy, i would never leave my room