#1
Ok so0o last time I failed miserably according to the comments, so I took more time on this one. C4C, leave a link though.

Queen of Diamonds; King of Spades.
Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?
From the Moments first spent by you and me.

The Queen of diamonds,
And the King of spades.
One holds diamonds,
The other holds blades.

Restate my ideas, once more in your head.
Restless thoughts came to mine, would you like me dead?
Take me in, please it it’s a plea.
Oh God, she is going on a killing spree.

The queen of diamonds,
And the king of spades.
Oh what is it that,
We have to gain.

Hopes are just words we put too much faith into.
You can keep on wondering but honey, that’s your cue.
I can say I rolled a number of dice.
But a simple metaphor will suffice

The Queen of Diamonds,
And the king of spades
But Holy spirit, and mother of God,
Does this really need to be stated again?

The Queen of diamonds,
She speaks once more.
The Queen of Clovers,
Is it really over?
The Queen of spades,
She who is closest to the blades.

The King of Diamonds,
Wants more to his throne.
The King Of clovers,
His health is at bay.
The King of spades,
He who is closest to the blades.

What of the hearts?
They where killed with darts.


C4C
#4
I like the concept of useing cards as a metaphore, it could be really cool song, I realy like this part too:

The Queen of diamonds,
And the King of spades.
One holds diamonds,
The other holds blades.


(edit: reading back over it... i think it woud sound better "one holds riches, the other blades", so it wont sound redundent....still love the line though)


it's a great start to the song, but then you give no meaning to the song at all, there's no message behind the lyrics, you need to have a main idea in your song, dont just randomly write stuff becuase it rhymes, put purpose into, and give it some meaning, and it will be a great song.
Last edited by HLrocker at Sep 30, 2007,
#5
For the most part, you have some good ideas in there, I like the "Hopes are just words..." section. Maybe the names king and queen are mentioned a little bit much at the end? That's just my opinion, but overall yay.

Here's mine:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=682576
Quote by Seryaph
You need to douse it in a 20/30/50 ratio of mustard/ketchup/horseradish and stroke it as fast as you can untill the mayonaise squirts out. Then consume.
#6
Quote by thefoundationof
xD I'm not talking about this one, the last one I had was a failure according to the comments. I'll get to urs later today if not tomorrow.


I was saying that this one wasn't a failure. Just needs some work. I know you were talking about the other one.