#1
Please correct any poor Spanish, it was written OTS so the grammer might be bad. I like it though and it was fun to write. C4c and I'm in the process of returning some from my last piece right now.


La día fue en fuego


La día fue en fuego
cuando mi padre me dejó,
El sol quema en mis ojos
y el polvo voló al cielo,
Las lágrimas quemaron en mis ojos
y me despedi en una voz rota:

"Who are you to disappear?
Are you a tease? Or a culture?
Or just a holy corporeal fear?"

The day was on fire
when my father left me,
The sun burned in my eyes
and the dust flew at the sky,
The tears burned in my eyes
and I yelled in a broken voice:

"So, Quien es yo?
Mi Dios, Who am I?"
Last edited by #1 synth at Sep 30, 2007,
#2
You speak spanish? that's awesome. I'm not sure I fully understand this piece, but I really like the cross-use of the two languages repeating the same message. Just one small problem I have, is the use of 'yelled'. Such a bland, boring word. And it real takes the emotion out of it for me. Especially when the next adjective is 'broken'. I'd just find a more powerful word to put there, if it was me. But yeah, no real problems here. Could you maybe explain the meaning behind the piece?

anyway, good work. Crit mine? Obsession, link is in the sig. Thanks.
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