#1
So... I haven't written anything in a long time. This was written sometime in May, and I just found it last night. I edited a little, changed the name (it was once The Stairway to the End, but sounded too much like a Led Zep ripoff I thought), and here tis...

Hands slide along a banister
That guides their descent
Or if they're lucky, their return
Worn brown wood, cracked, splintered

But the stairs, the pathway
Trampled by stamping feet for oh so long
Some eager and others haunted
As though demons chased for them

And the moon rises blood red
Over a sea of roaring black cloud
Fingers of dark light foreshado
The end that begins tonight

One hand slips and a palm catches
Splinters of feelings taking over
Digging into her buring skin
Infecting her veins with desire

And the moon hides flaming orange
Between streaking fingers of black sky-cotton
Last reaching limbs of fire die out
This is the end that began tonight

One eye peers through a painted window
Feet pound up the rotting worn stairs
Or maybe down, from their perspective
To see more than you ever wanted to know

And the moon glows silver
Over a peaceful lake of slowly growing clouds
Loving hating aura of tranquility
The end that began tonight...

Is over.
#2
its good A little to imagery for me but still good. Kinda like a amateau mr tambourine man.
#4
no the imagery is fine. i also like the lack of verse/chorus verse/chorus, songs all to often fall into this given formula (including mine). It is refreshing to see something different. i also like the metephorical use of the stairs, banister.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
#5
Pretty cool piece. I like a lot of the imagery, especially:

"And the moon rises blood red
Over a sea of roaring black cloud"

and

"And the moon hides flaming orange"

Those two ought to be some pretty awesome scenes to behold.

As a piece consisting mostly of imagery, there doesn't seem to be much of a definite message or story, though the concept of an atmospheric lyrical environment is definitely a refreshing approach. Overall, pretty solid - it would work amazingly well with an animated music video.

c4c?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=681675
#6
i just said it had to much imagery for my taste. Im not saying its bad. I still like it.
#8
I liked it, great imagery. I imagine it being kind of like a very heavy metal song. Just roaring power chords and stuff behind it. Probably some 'pig vocals,' haha. But I really liked the imagery, you created a very cool atmosphere with the lyrics. As someone said before, some of the scenes you create would be absolutely breathtaking to witness. Keep up the good work.
#12
umm ive been tryin to write but i just got like nution to go off of i mean i can write guitar riffs and **** but im not that good with lyrics ive been tryin t owrite asogn for hella days what helps you to get started nice poem though likein the first verse and the third