#1
I wrote these lyrics, it is only the first verse and chorus. I haven't written no more because I am not sure if it is any good, so don't want to waste my time. I was going for metal but fear I've hit Meat Loaf. haaa

verse1

Blackness creeps across the sky
and raindrops hit the ground
demons intentions meet desire
the thunder claps so loud
satan looks out from his layer, he can see you hide
angels look down from above, are they on your side

the good things you tried to do
seem to have been in vein
cause hell is here for you
an eternity of pain

chorus

Judgement day
bad for the weak, good for the brave
judgement day
when the world goes up in flames
yeah, it's the time we fear when death is near
judgement day, will make you pay
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
#4
Quote by sambora


verse1

Blackness creeps across the sky
and raindrops hit the ground
demons intentions meet desire
the thunder claps so loud
satan looks out from his layer, he can see you hide
angels look down from above, are they on your side

Epic, yet borderline so fantastical it scares me off. It seems to involved and doesn't raelly express anything until the last two lines. It would be alright with some sort of epic orchestra in the BG.

the good things you tried to do
seem to have been in vein
cause hell is here for you
an eternity of pain

Best part... catchy, non-corny, statement making. Me likes.
chorus

Judgement day
bad for the weak, good for the brave
judgement day
when the world goes up in flames
yeah, it's the time we fear when death is near
judgement day, will make you pay

I don't like the rhyme in this bit... mostly because it seems forced. Again, it seems like you haven't said to much, its like a verse full of filler. But it does flow well... and depending on the style of music you set this with, it may not need meaning as long as it sounds cool... which it does.


Not bad... not fantastic.

6.5/10.

If you want a more full crit, then give my piece a more full crit than a single paragraph, and I will get back to you on yours.

Peace and coconuts,
-ZC
#5
I thought it was really good, the satan parts were abit corny and cliche but apart from that I liked the imagery you used. And btw Meat Loaf rules.