#1
So I have a Writing assignment due on Alfred the Great. Calling all Brits, Grammar Nazis, and of course Kensai.

Here it is. Let me know if anything is wrong with it. Spelling, grammar, facts...Anything.


Alec Stanley
Mrs. Moore
Week 5 Writing
October 1, 2007


Alfred the Great


Alfred the Great was born between 847 and 849 in the present day ceremonial county of Oxfordshire (then the historic county of Berkshire), England. He was the king of the southern Anglo-Saxon kingdom of Wessex from 871 to 899. He deserves the title “Great” because of his many accomplishments. Some of those accomplishments include reviving Learning and Literature in England, making the first organized Navy, stopping the Vikings from invading, starting the Anglo-Saxon Chronicles, and Christianizing the Vikings. This is why he was given the title “Great”.


Alfred the Great brought knowledge back to his people. Like Charlemagne before him, he placed these things at a high value. He recognized how much better his people would be if they could read and write. He also made the first Navy. Both the Royal Navy and the United States Navy claim Alfred as the founder of their traditions. The first vessel ever commissioned into the Continental Navy, precursor to the United States Navy, was named “The Alfred”.

Alfred the Great stopped the Vikings from invading his kingdom. For nearly two years, Wessex itself was spared attacks as Alfred paid the Vikings to leave him alone. However, at the end of 870, the Danes arrived in his homeland. The year that followed has been called "Alfred's year of battles". Nine martial engagements were fought with varying fortunes, though the place and date of two of the battles have not been recorded.

Alfred also started the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle. The Anglo Saxon Chronicle is a collection of annals in Old English narrating the history of the Anglo Saxons. The annals were created late in the 9th century, probably in Wessex, during the reign of Alfred. Multiple copies were made and distributed to monastaries across England, and were independently updated. In one case, the chronicle was still being actively updated in 1154.


Alfred the Great was a magnificant king. He deserves the title “Great” because he brought knowledge to his people, stopped the Vikings from invdaing his kingdom, and started the anglo saxon chronicle. He was truly a great king.
Last edited by rockownsyou at Oct 1, 2007,
#5
Is that it? Maybe thats what the teachers want but over here I'd probably do around 1000-3000 words depending on how important the essay was...
#6
Quote by x/taluha
indent.
i wont even read until you indent your paragrahs.
You can't indent with the tab key on UG. His Microsoft Word document probably has indentions.
#7
Quote by x/taluha
indent.
i wont even read until you indent your paragrahs.


Quote by yawn
You can't indent with the tab key on UG. His Microsoft Word document probably has indentions.


Thank you.


Capitalize. I won't even read your post until you capitalize.
#8
Alfred the Great didn't make the first Navy - there were fleets and navies way before he came along.


Just thought I'd give you a heads up.
#9
it seems quite short, but maybe thats just me. how long is it sposed to be?
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#10
Quote by TheShadow
Alfred the Great didn't make the first Navy - there were fleets and navies way before he came along.


Just thought I'd give you a heads up.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_The_Great

Quote by Wikipedia
....both the Royal Navy and the United States Navy claim Alfred as the founder of their traditions. The first vessel ever commissioned into the Continental Navy, precursor to the United States Navy, was named the Alfred.


Yes he did. Thanks for your concern though.

Quote by permanentmarker
it seems quite short, but maybe thats just me. how long is it sposed to be?


It's supposed to be a five paragraph essay.

Also, your drummer looks like Angry Kid. Count me as number 29.
#12
r u challenging me ? huh ARE YOU!! well i just might grade it then I JUST MIGHT!!!!!!!!

EDIT: how does that make you feel now?
EDIT,EDIT: meh okay report
EDIT,EDIT,EDIT: sorry if i scared you
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Last edited by SnakeByyt at Oct 1, 2007,
#13
Quote by rockownsyou
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_The_Great


Yes he did. Thanks for your concern though.


It's supposed to be a five paragraph essay.

Also, your drummer looks like Angry Kid. Count me as number 29.



ok
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#14
Quote by rockownsyou
Thank you.


Capitalize. I won't even read your post until you capitalize.


You wanted my opinion I gave it don't be a dick about it. Indenting is overlooked A LOT and I was just pointing out you needed to.
#15
Try not using the word "great" too often.
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#16
Quote by minibrowny
Yeah, because absolutely everything wikipedia says is 100% correct.





A Strategic Pattern of Leadership
Alfred's reign was a turning point in Britain's history and actually marked the beginning of the development of political unification and an English royal government. Alfred recognized that as an island, England needed a navy. He designed ships that were more durable than the Viking ships and established the English navy. He reorganized the army into two parts, with each serving six months. While one part was at war, the other would be working at home and also protecting the villages. He had larger fortifications built at strategic points to defend against the Danes. These fortifications were known as burghs; many later became commercial centers and towns.


Also,



IN 886, Alfred garnered his resources and managed to retake the city of London, but Viking raids continued. At the battle of Ethendun in 878, Saxonn forces soundly defeated the Vikings lead by Guthrum and peace was concluded by the terms of the Treaty of Wedmore. Guthrum converted to christianity with Alfred standing as godfather to his erstwhile enemy. Alfred accepted the Danish colonisation of much of England. A line was drawn which ran north-westwards from London to Chester and Guthrum defining an area, north of this line which was termed the Danelaw.

Alfred improved his army, making provision for it to be always availiable at short notice to defend Wessex. Part of the army was always kept in reserve in case of emergency. The navy was similarly improved, building ships which were bigger and better than those possessed by the Vikings.



Quote by x/taluha
You wanted my opinion I gave it don't be a dick about it. Indenting is overlooked A LOT and I was just pointing out you needed to.



Didn't mean to be rude, it's just that I know that I'm supposed to indent. UG just won't let you. No hard feelings. I love your hair, just not your grammar. Just kidding.
Last edited by rockownsyou at Oct 1, 2007,
#17
Edited:



Alfred the Great was born between 847 and 849 in the present-day ceremonial county of Oxfordshire (then the historic county of Berkshire), England. He was the king of the southern Anglo-Saxon kingdom of Wessex from 871 to 899. He deserves the title “Great” because of his many accomplishments. Some of these accomplishments include reviving learning and literature in England, making the first organized navy, stopping the Vikings from invading, starting the Anglo-Saxon Chronicles, and Christianizing the Vikings. This is why he was given the title “Great.”


Alfred the Great brought knowledge to his people. Like Charlemagne before him, he placed these things at a high value. He recognized how much better his people would be if they could read and write. He also created the first navy. Both the Royal Navy and the United States Navy claim Alfred as the founder of their traditions. The first vessel ever commissioned into the Continental Navy, precursor to the United States Navy, was named “The Alfred.”

Alfred the Great stopped the Vikings from invading his kingdom. For nearly two years, Wessex itself was spared attacks as Alfred paid the Vikings to leave him alone. However, at the end of 870, the Danes arrived in his homeland. The year that followed has been called "Alfred's year of battles." Nine martial engagements were fought with varying fortunes, though the place and date of two of the battles have not been recorded.

Alfred also started the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle. The Anglo Saxon Chronicle is a collection of annals in Old English narrating the history of the Anglo-Saxons. The annals were created late in the 9th century, probably in Wessex, during the reign of Alfred. Multiple copies were made and distributed to monastaries across England, and were independently updated. In one case, the chronicle was still being actively updated in 1154.

You need to re-write the ending, it sucked.

I corrected it for you. Re-write the ending and you should be good to go.
#18
Quote by string_of_death
Edited:



Alfred the Great was born between 847 and 849 in the present-day ceremonial county of Oxfordshire (then the historic county of Berkshire), England. He was the king of the southern Anglo-Saxon kingdom of Wessex from 871 to 899. He deserves the title “Great” because of his many accomplishments. Some of these accomplishments include reviving learning and literature in England, making the first organized navy, stopping the Vikings from invading, starting the Anglo-Saxon Chronicles, and Christianizing the Vikings. This is why he was given the title “Great.”


Alfred the Great brought knowledge to his people. Like Charlemagne before him, he placed these things at a high value. He recognized how much better his people would be if they could read and write. He also created the first navy. Both the Royal Navy and the United States Navy claim Alfred as the founder of their traditions. The first vessel ever commissioned into the Continental Navy, precursor to the United States Navy, was named “The Alfred.”

Alfred the Great stopped the Vikings from invading his kingdom. For nearly two years, Wessex itself was spared attacks as Alfred paid the Vikings to leave him alone. However, at the end of 870, the Danes arrived in his homeland. The year that followed has been called "Alfred's year of battles." Nine martial engagements were fought with varying fortunes, though the place and date of two of the battles have not been recorded.

Alfred also started the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle. The Anglo Saxon Chronicle is a collection of annals in Old English narrating the history of the Anglo-Saxons. The annals were created late in the 9th century, probably in Wessex, during the reign of Alfred. Multiple copies were made and distributed to monastaries across England, and were independently updated. In one case, the chronicle was still being actively updated in 1154.

You need to re-write the ending, it sucked.

I corrected it for you. Re-write the ending and you should be good to go.


Thank you! This is what I wanted out of this thread. You sir, may have a brownie.
#19
I've read through and I can't find any real grammar or spelling errors, other than the pre-mentioned indent which can't be helped. The last sentence in the first paragraph is redundant take some time and make a better one. Also notice how every paragraph starts out with "Alfred the Great." Consider revising those sentences. You might want to think about adding a few more adjectives as well. The length of the paper seems awfully short, maybe you should look up a few more facts? On the plus side, you restated all your main points in the conclusion and you stated cold hard facts without having sentences that say a whole lot of nothing and just take up space. So for this paper, I grade....


C+
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#20
You spelled "invading" wrong in the last paragraph. Try varying the sentence structure, you begin every single paragraph with "Alfred," mix it up a bit.
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#21
None of you noticed that he didn't spell "magnificent" correctly?
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#22
The vikings weren't really Christianized you know. Not untill around year 1000 anyways.
#24
I say very good B+ at least to A+ max (depending on how the teacher marking it feels on the day)
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#25
Quote by x/taluha
indent.
i wont even read until you indent your paragrahs.


You only indent when you don't put spaces between your paragraphs.
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#26
I don't know how the grading system in America works, and I've never heard of Alfred the Great.

But I'm gonna say fill it up with waffle so it looks like you've written loads.
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#27
I don't know what level you are at but I'd be wary of plagiarism, especially from Wikipedia of all places! I would also suggest you write a bit more objectively, there's no need to say "he deserves the title 'Great'" or "he was a magnificent king", perhaps something more like 'he was regarded as a great king'. It's not bad though. It's good you didn't say 'I'.

I never indent paragraphs, just break them. That's my two cents.
Last edited by Kiwi Ace at Oct 3, 2007,
#28
Quote by x/taluha
You wanted my opinion I gave it don't be a dick about it. Indenting is overlooked A LOT and I was just pointing out you needed to.


u didnt give an opinion , you didnt read it either, you just told him it needs to be indented before u even look at it.
#29
Alfred the Great

Quote by rockownsyou
He deserves the title “Great” because of his many accomplishments.


^me no like this sentence^

change title "The Great"--suggestion

alfred the great this alfred the great that pheww