#1
Me and a friend got bored the other day and wrote this quick, i know its not quite good cause we wrote it pretty quick but before i edit it wanted to know if anybody had some ideas to improve it.


A question the world shall be
Where do we go when will we leave
Guess we wont know tell were six feet under
But what we do is know is


(Chorus)
Everyday we fade away
We fade away
We fade away in this game we play we fade away
To some unknown land and unknown reason
We fade away in any season
I guess its just the way the man wanted it to be


When were about to die do we see the light?
Do we stop breathin? Or do we put up a fight?
Is there hell or heaven or something in between?
Or do we just say one day we fade away


(Chorus)
Everyday we fade away
We fade away
We fade away in this game we play we fade away
To some unknown land and unknown reason
We fade away in any season
I guess its just the way the man wanted it to be


A question the world shall be
Where do we go when will we leave
Guess we wont know tell were six feet under
But what we do is know is

(Chorus)
Everyday we fade away
We fade away
We fade away in this game we play we fade away
To some unknown land and unknown reason
We fade away in any season
I guess its just the way the man wanted it to be
#3
the chorus seems a little long, you could cut down on saying 'we fade away' so much for example, even though it is the name of the song.

and ike zeppelin freak0, i dunno what kind of music was playing in your head so i cant really help you with that.

other than that, i like it alot. kudos.
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#5
Quote by zeppelin_freak0
Me and a friend got bored the other day and wrote this quick, i know its not quite good cause we wrote it pretty quick but before i edit it wanted to know if anybody had some ideas to improve it.


A question the world shall be
Where do we go when will we leave
Guess we wont know tell were six feet under
But what we do is know is

Some of the lines are really awkwardly phrased like some small words were left out just to maintain the flow other then that the idea is not taht orignal u can introduce some new twist in there.....

(Chorus)
Everyday we fade away
We fade away
We fade away in this game we play we fade away
To some unknown land and unknown reason
We fade away in any season
I guess its just the way the man wanted it to be


The repetition of "fade away" in firts three lines are really annoying atleast tahts what i feel but it can be me ......


When were about to die do we see the light?
Do we stop breathin? Or do we put up a fight?
Is there hell or heaven or something in between?
Or do we just say one day we fade away


Line 1 typo "we are"
last line is compeletely a filler which was writtern just to make an unseen connection between the whole song and i'm srry to say it didn't cut out . Mopreover the questions u ask are very common . I'm not saying don't ask them but try to mput them in a better manner . Use some metaphors and images to protray the feeling instead of telling them



(Chorus)
Everyday we fade away
We fade away
We fade away in this game we play we fade away
To some unknown land and unknown reason
We fade away in any season
I guess its just the way the man wanted it to be


Already told you

A question the world shall be
Where do we go when will we leave
Guess we wont know tell were six feet under
But what we do is know is

Instead of repeating whole thing use some contradiction


(Chorus)
Everyday we fade away
We fade away
We fade away in this game we play we fade away
To some unknown land and unknown reason
We fade away in any season
I guess its just the way the man wanted it to be



What's missing in this piece is first story telling and some images along with some metaphors but with music the whole eq can change .

I'm srry if i was harsh on u . I'm not some genius , I'm also an amature like u.
Hope u won't take anything in a bad way........

Andy

Hi
#6
I like this song, maybe extend the verses, and put in a prechorus, but I like the repetition of 'We fade away', I can imagine the music going behind it in a kind of 'Way Away (Yellowcard)' style, but if that's not what you were going for, it would still work. Good job.