#1
This is for a new project I started seriously working on last night. I want to try things that are a little more artistic, a little more experimental (mostly in my music, I'm not sure it will come across as much in the lyrics). Let me know what you think:

Chaos Theory

Our hearts are beating delicate
Translucent vibrant and alive
A powerful passion only we can feel
Like the hurricane winds off the wings of the butterfly
the wings of the butterfly

But no one can know
So breathe quiet and slow
Or our whispers will sweep us away
Like the hurricane winds off the wings of the butterfly
the wings of the butterfly

No, no one can
Know
We know it in our beating hearts
They'll tear our delicate lives apart
Because we will not change we can't deny
The hurricane winds off the wings of the butterfly

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

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#2
yeh.. i kinda like it =)
Quote by Moggan13
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IIIIfb * KARKOLI * ytIIII(mostly rock... a little funky, a little hard just the way you want it )
#3
I like it, although some bits didn't flow as i thought, but it's probably because of the music you will put it too. Especially like the second verse and first two lines of the first verse.
It's gonna be a blue day
#4
as always Petey your lyrics ground me
Excellent stuff dude
Rock on
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#5
Thanks for the reads fellas. You guys have anything for me?

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#6
Quote by Petey Cook
This is for a new project I started seriously working on last night. I want to try things that are a little more artistic, a little more experimental (mostly in my music, I'm not sure it will come across as much in the lyrics). Let me know what you think:

Chaos Theory

Our hearts are beating delicate
The word 'delicate' sounds awkward, and doesn't provide flow over the next few lines.
Translucent vibrant and alive
A powerful passion only we can feel
Doesnt really flow very well.
Like the hurricane winds off the wings of the butterfly
Off and of sound quite awkward in this line.
the wings of the butterfly

But no one can know
So breathe quiet and slow
Or our whispers will sweep us away
Like the hurricane winds off the wings of the butterfly
the wings of the butterfly
Quite good, Maybe add some rhyme to allow it to flow more.

No, no one can
Know
We know it in our beating hearts
They'll tear our delicate lives apart
Because we will not change we can't deny
The hurricane winds off the wings of the butterfly
Best part of the piece, flows well, again 'Hurricane winds off the wings of the butterfly sounds really awkward too me'

Rock On


Overall, not a bad job. Just need to read it over, change a few things so it flows a little better.

Goodwork.
#7
I think it flows alright, but I do know how it fits to the music and you don't, so that's probably why. Anyway, thanks for the read.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#8
Yeah it's pretty good, and like symphathy said, it beginning doesn't have the greatest flow, but the way the music is will hopefully fix that. Great song.
Your head slowly caves in from the compression
#9
OMG petey I LOve you rlyrics like jesusfiddle el la pokemon.

hehe Keep kicking ass
Smile alot today... okay?
#10
Jesusfiddle? What does that even mean?

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#11
brilliant. The title connects well too.

(jesusfiddle? That almost deserves an lol wut pear IMO...)

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