#1
Verse 1

come and rest your head in silence dear
Wasting all the time, its what we do so fine
You're making me think in violence here
Giving it a rest, hoping for the best


Chorus

Would it be wrong
If I sailed away in to the deep blue
I'd rather let
the ocean be my grave than let it be you
I'll sail away
with my chosen one to sail along with me
our fears will drown
and our dreams will be reality


Verse 2

Sit and watch the day go by again
singing to ourselves,of what we havent felt
you start to laugh so hard you cry again
Making it alright, we laugh until the night


Chorus

Would it be wrong
If I sailed away in to the deep blue
I'd rather let
the ocean be my grave than let it be you
I'll sail away
with my chosen one to sail along with me
our fears will drown
and our dreams will be reality


Bridge

I'm still waiting for a wonder to take me
I'm still waiting for a guilty one of us
I cant hide it your my only addiction
With you all the time is never enough


Chorus

Would it be wrong
If I sailed away in to the deep blue
I'd rather let
the ocean be my grave than let it be you
I'll sail away
with my chosen one to sail along with me
our fears will drown
and our dreams will be reality
#2
I really like the chorus, reminds me a lot of the chorus from nightwish's "ocean soul".
In the second verse, im not sure if rhyming again with again is the best option.
I can't really pick any more faults in it, maybe a more experienced songwriter may be able to help.
#3
Quote by 7daycrisis
Verse 1

come and rest your head in silence dear
Wasting all the time, its what we do so fine
You're making me think in violence here
Giving it a rest, hoping for the best

Pretty solid. It captured my attention and made me want to keep reading although the last line seemed to break the flow a little.

Chorus

Would it be wrong
If I sailed away in to the deep blue
I'd rather let
the ocean be my grave than let it be you
I'll sail away
with my chosen one to sail along with me
our fears will drown
and our dreams will be reality

I like the way this flows and adds to Verse 1.

Verse 2

Sit and watch the day go by again
singing to ourselves,of what we havent felt
you start to laugh so hard you cry again
Making it alright, we laugh until the night

Rhyming again with again really doesn’t work in my opinion. The verse still flows well without using again on the third line and it doesn’t really add anything as the idea of laughing until you’re in tears hasn’t been explored yet. Again the last line seems to break the flow a bit with the use of ‘until the night’. I personally think that ‘Into the night’ seems to flow better.

Chorus

Would it be wrong
If I sailed away in to the deep blue
I'd rather let
the ocean be my grave than let it be you
I'll sail away
with my chosen one to sail along with me
our fears will drown
and our dreams will be reality

Again adds to the song.

Bridge

I'm still waiting for a wonder to take me
I'm still waiting for a guilty one of us
I cant hide it your my only addiction
With you all the time is never enough

Seems slightly clichéd in my opinion, but it works well with the rest of the song so I don’t mind.

Chorus

Would it be wrong
If I sailed away in to the deep blue
I'd rather let
the ocean be my grave than let it be you
I'll sail away
with my chosen one to sail along with me
our fears will drown
and our dreams will be reality

A strong finish which fits in well after the bridge.


All in all a good song. Flows well and conveys the main idea throughout.
Ka pu te ruha ka hao te rangatahi.
#4
I hope this helps.


Quote by 7daycrisis
Verse 1

come and rest your head in silence dear
Wasting all the time, its what we do so fine
You're making me think in violence here
Giving it a rest, hoping for the best

I like the imagery of lines 2 and 3 espiecially "You're making me think in violence here" Line 4 breaks up the flow somewhat.


Chorus

Would it be wrong
If I sailed away in to the deep blue
I'd rather let
the ocean be my grave than let it be you
I'll sail away
with my chosen one to sail along with me
our fears will drown
and our dreams will be reality

I don't know why but the flow of this dosen't read well to me; I would suggest restructuring the chorus. Then having said that others like it.


Verse 2

Sit and watch the day go by again
singing to ourselves,of what we havent felt
you start to laugh so hard you cry again
Making it alright, we laugh until the night


Chorus

Would it be wrong
If I sailed away in to the deep blue
I'd rather let
the ocean be my grave than let it be you
I'll sail away
with my chosen one to sail along with me
our fears will drown
and our dreams will be reality


Bridge

I'm still waiting for a wonder to take me
I'm still waiting for a guilty one of us
I cant hide it your my only addiction
With you all the time is never enough

I really like the first 2 lines, and dislike the last 2. They are too soppy for me compared to the rest of the song.

Chorus

Would it be wrong
If I sailed away in to the deep blue
I'd rather let
the ocean be my grave than let it be you
I'll sail away
with my chosen one to sail along with me
our fears will drown
and our dreams will be reality

Overall a good effort, that needs some touching up but nothing major.

okies



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Last edited by sambora at Oct 3, 2007,