#1
I havent posted in here since the beginning of school pretty much and this is my first time actually trying to write a song..because i am pretty sure im not that good at it just guitar..anyways i mite change the title an the lyrics up some depends..here it is..


8 Pages Of Weakness

These 8 pages of weakness
that rip away my soul
the knife inside that deepens
3 days to come and go <(i mite change that it sounds stupid)

(solo should be here not sure yet)

Today i felt alone
my mind left blank
2 days come and go, one day is left <(mite get rid of this line too.)
Just tear me page by page
all thats left
just watch me come and go <(i mite change this part up)

(solo rite here maybe..more or likely sure..then i mite go back to the first half of the song and repeat that 2 times then another solo)

anyways thats all i got
and its based on my life/piece by piece from slayer..the lyrics and music anyways..any help would be appreciated..

remember FIRST TIME Writing
#2
I think it should be longer to add more to the meaning, because right now im struggling to work out exactly what you're trying to say. I think at least another one or two verses is needed.
The first verse lines i really like, but then it loses its flow, because in the second verse each line is too different in length and in not sure what rhythm you could use to make it work.
Just keep working at it, its your first attemt so you cna only get better from here, just practise as much as you can.
#3
thanks...like i said tho its not done i have been side tracked by work..and havent had enough time to get it going again..2 days come and go, one day is left isnt supposed to be on 1 line its separtated by commas and is supposed to be on 2 separate lines..thanks tho..
#4
Quote by L_E_M_U_R
I
8 Pages Of Weakness

These 8 pages of weakness
that rip away my soul
This is a promising start. You have set up something that could develope in many ways.
the knife inside that deepens
3 days to come and go <(i mite change that it sounds stupid)
I actually wouldn't change this; it reads fine with a nice flow.

(solo should be here not sure yet)

Today i felt alone
my mind left blank
2 days come and go, one day is left <(mite get rid of this line too.)
Just tear me page by page
all thats left
just watch me come and go <(i mite change this part up)
There seems to have been a change in theme. you don't seem to have expanded on the idea of the first part.

(solo rite here maybe..more or likely sure..then i mite go back to the first half of the song and repeat that 2 times then another solo)


remember FIRST TIME Writing


It is not bad for a first write. You have to flesh the song out, give it more structure. If you are just started writing try to stick to a verse-chorus-verse-chorus kind of flow. I know this is formulatic and may not be your ultimate goal, but it is a good building block.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=683191
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