#1
Yeah my life is full of them, and you guys were nice the last time

Sooooo, I have a friend who is pretty shy, and doesn't find it easy to talk to people. He's ok when he's with people he knows but he struggles even to talk to their friends. Which is kinda a mood killer, because when I'm talking to someone else and he's just sitting there, I feel bad and will neglect my other friends for him. Which is bad. And he's kinda latched onto me, and it's not that I don't like him, it's just sometimes I do want to be by myself or with other people, I don't like routine.

So, dilemna/advice: How can I get some time with other people? I don't want him to f*** off, I just want him to talk to other people. Because then I can too (guilt free). I don't know what he's interested in (he is incredibly emotionally closed) and my other friends do try to talk to him, but they lack the persistence to break through.

C'mon people! The only other plan I've got is to get him drunk and emotionally open and find out what interests/hobbies he has so I can hold a conversation with the guy.

And I'm not trying to spoonfeed him some friends, I'm just trying to get him to open up and be more comfortable with himself. We're going in for Uni applications and if he doesn't find the self-security to figure out what he wants to do, he's gonna get left in the dust.

Sorry about the essay but I like decisions to be informed

Btw, whoo 2 threads in two days lol
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I have become..... METACARPI!!!!

I wish


Joeymaxx
#2
*slap* TALK, DAMN YOU! *slap*

Other than that, some people are just introverts... Funnily enough, they usually turn out to be the most awesome once you go through the effort to get to know them.

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


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#3
1) 2 threads in 2 days exceeds the maximum limit by two.
2) don´t diss veggie food.
3) listen to his 1st comment ^.
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#5
introverted people generally have complex hidden thoughts and feelings....
the option you said about alcohol... actually doesnt sound that bad seriously... might wanna give it a go
#6
The longer he's around you and your other friends the more he'll get to know the others and feel comfortable in conversations when you're not there. You can't really force anything on an introvert, you just gotta let it happen.

Alcohol is definitely a catalyst though, so if he likes drinking, not a bad idea.
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Last edited by krims0n at Oct 3, 2007,
#7
Just talk to other friends, and if he's there's just include him in a conversation. Like "well, that's just like that time we saw that hot girl in the mall, eh [name here]?" You should do this often, and he should talk.
#8
That especially works if you call him Name Here. I recommend it.

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#9
He might just be a thinker, and be pefectly fine with just observing whats goin on around him when theres a bunch of people. My friends had that problem with someone, and they just kind of stopped catering to it and invited him out all the time anyway. Now hes loosened up.
#10
No offence meant, I'm actually vegetarian myself. And it's just a trial sig, I'll change it when I'm finished here. And he is a nice guy, but when he doesn't talk to people when they make an effort with him, they think it's because of snobbery, and even though I tell them it isn't, and he knows that this goes on, he still wont talk to them! And then when they leave, he says how cool they are! So he clearly wants to talk to them!! Aaaargh!
(He does bitch about some of my friends so I know he's not just saying this)
Quote by filthandfury
I only do that on MSN, and I get many complaints about it.

F&F will have cyber sex with you on MSN. He's a bit handsy though.


I have become..... METACARPI!!!!

I wish


Joeymaxx
#11
yeah, i'm one of the mates who try to talk to the shy friend lol


poor david, i recon we should get him drunk rab
#12
I'm normally introvert, but when i get merry/pissed, i talk alot, so it might work on him. Now i'm as loose as a goose. Well, maybe not that loose.
It's gonna be a blue day
#13
Make fun of him for being quiet. He'll either talk more or kill himself.
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#14
I'm very much the same as him, I find it very difficult to talk to people I don't already know, and if there's someone I do know I'll latch on to them. I understand it can be annoying though, so I try to sometimes just stay away. Personally if a friend had a problem with it I'd appreciate them saying something along the lines of "Look, I know it's awkward but you can't keep with me and not speak. You have to make an effort." Try talking to your other friends and have them strike up a conversation with him. With any luck he'll gain some confidence.
The sad thing is people with friends and can talk to others often don't fully appreciate how awful it can be to be painfully introverted and not know people who already have friends. Just make sure the rest of them respond to him, it's very easy to get discouraged.
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#15
I'm like that all the time, sometimes I just can't be bothered talking to anyone or getting involved with a conversation. But by the sounds this chap is just too quiet, he just needs to have his confidence boosted enough so that he can put himself out there probably.
#16
Try talking to your other friends and have them strike up a conversation with him
Dinky Daisy

Have done, no working!

yeah, i'm one of the mates who try to talk to the shy friend lol
LeeA1991

See?
Quote by filthandfury
I only do that on MSN, and I get many complaints about it.

F&F will have cyber sex with you on MSN. He's a bit handsy though.


I have become..... METACARPI!!!!

I wish


Joeymaxx
#17
I'm somewhat like that. I'm quiet, but not shy at all. If I need to or want to talk, I do. But generally I walk in the front and listen to the chatter. So it's not really latching on as much as it is staying quiet. I'm kinda the shadowy figure.

But anyway, you seem like a good friend. I think the drinking idea might work. It usually opens people up.
#18
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Dinky Daisy

Have done, no working!

LeeA1991

See?



When you put a quote and want the person's name to be there, put "", put the quote, and then close the tag.
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#19
I've got the exact same problem. And yesh, it sucks.
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#20
Alcohol always work, try to even get him to talk to some girls. That will really boost his confidence (if it works).
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#21
Quote by SavageNights
Alcohol always work, try to even get him to talk to some girls. That will really boost his confidence (if it works).


Tried that too... well.... ahem... it's a bit awkward.... would appear he's fallen for one of them.... and she's in denial about the whole thing... oh dear....

Which is a shame because he's a nice guy!
Quote by filthandfury
I only do that on MSN, and I get many complaints about it.

F&F will have cyber sex with you on MSN. He's a bit handsy though.


I have become..... METACARPI!!!!

I wish


Joeymaxx
#22
If he doesn't want to talk to anyone, then you shouldn't feel guilty about leaving him out of conversations.
There's only one girl in the world for you
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#23
Quote by Sozes Flying V
Tried that too... well.... ahem... it's a bit awkward.... would appear he's fallen for one of them.... and she's in denial about the whole thing... oh dear....

Which is a shame because he's a nice guy!


Other girls? Get him drunk, and then try? Did you do that?
Quote by Necrophagist777

I agree, i always help people up. At the last show we all protected this little kid who was tying his shoe in the middle of the pit.


http://www.mylot.com/?ref=Phase3
#24
Quote by Sozes Flying V
Dinky Daisy

Have done, no working!

LeeA1991

See?

By 'done' do you mean 'tried once or twice but gave up'? Because trust me, you have to keep at it. Don't expect him to suddenly gain the courage to speak to people.
The will to neither strive nor cry,
The power to feel with others give.
Calm, calm me more; nor let me die
Before I have begun to live.

-Matthew Arnold

Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
#25
No, I mean I have done so several times, with different people, continuously, over several weeks. I'm not giving up, I'm worried about him. He's too insecure to do a careers test or think about what Unis he wants to apply to and the deadlines in 4 weeks! He's a smart kid but he's burning his potential. And how will he cope when his few friends leave and go to Uni? And if he does manage to get to Uni, how's he going to make new friends? How's he going to socialise? I don't want him to be alone for the rest of his life!
Quote by filthandfury
I only do that on MSN, and I get many complaints about it.

F&F will have cyber sex with you on MSN. He's a bit handsy though.


I have become..... METACARPI!!!!

I wish


Joeymaxx
#26
Don't you think you are being a bit obessive with it? He has to do these things for his own really.. I wasn't particularly outgoing when I was younger. He might realise/want to talk to people, or he might want to be by himself.
Quote by Necrophagist777

I agree, i always help people up. At the last show we all protected this little kid who was tying his shoe in the middle of the pit.


http://www.mylot.com/?ref=Phase3
#27
You're not responsible for this person's social life. It's really not any of your business.
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#28
Quote by yoshixxx7
You're not responsible for this person's social life. It's really not any of your business.


quite an individualist response. I think you should try to help the lad out, its hard to get through with life for someone like him and what will he think when his close friend doesnt help him

Anyway, perhaps it has something to do with his childhood? a traumatic childhood experience or experiences can really have a bad bad effect. Id try to point the conversation at that direction, if he can talk about this possible problem it could really hlep him out. I know this because i was bullied when i was younger, and it made me more of a closed and introvert person than i otherwise was.
#29
I think including him in the conversation is a good idea. Make sure it's an "easy" conversation, with relatively easygoing and unthreatening people. I think the best way to start would be with a small number of people, for example him you and another guy.
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#30
lol i made an effort to talk to him today, he talked back a bit, just asked what class he was going to next lol

suppose its a start, rab we should invite him over tomorow!

i bet if i get this job he'll be really loud at work lol

i'll talk to seona