#1
Hey I need some feedback on this new song................


MAYBE

Phrase 1
Maybe i'm hallucinating, maybe my minds seperating from me.
Maybe I dont know what's right, or the difference between day and night.
But I know....

Pre-chorus1
You're the only one for me and you're the only one I see when I close my eyes.
And you're the thought that i wake up to, and the one i go to bed with every single night. So maybe you think i'm crazy, but my love for you isn't maybe......

Chorus
Maybe I will never be the one, the one for you. Maybe you'll forget my face, and the rest of me too. But I'm so in love with you. And I hardly even know you.

Phrase 2
Maybe this song's ridiculous, maybe there's no future for us. Maybe soon you'll have to leave and all there will be left is this song and me. But i know.....

Pre-chorus2
I bought these plane tickets for two so on the plane just me and you, you're perfect in my eyes. Even though you give life your all, I'd like to catch you when you fall, you're my angel in disguise. So maybe I am crazy, but I know that you're my baby.

Bridge
You're the only one for me and you're the only one i see when I close my eyes......


FEEDBACK PLEASE!! THANKS!
#3
i don't really know if i like "maybe this song's ridiculous", it kind of takes you out of the story and then you just picture you writing a song...i don't think thats what i would want to picture during the song...its supposed to be part of the story, not a lyric in a song...try changing it to "maybe this thought's ridiculous"

EDIT: oh and then i suppose you'll have to change that second part to "all there will be left is this thought and me"
Member #3 of the Breaking Benjamin Fanclub PM Electric7 to join.
#4
Quote by pavel
i don't really know if i like "maybe this song's ridiculous", it kind of takes you out of the story and then you just picture you writing a song...i don't think thats what i would want to picture during the song...its supposed to be part of the story, not a lyric in a song...try changing it to "maybe this thought's ridiculous"

EDIT: oh and then i suppose you'll have to change that second part to "all there will be left is this thought and me"


I agree with pavel, it does sorta *jus a lil* take away from the song. Other than that I really liked it, so good job!
Btw, if you wrote it for someone I'm sure they'll like it, too.

Can u look at mine? The new song in my sig
Quote by Seryaph
You need to douse it in a 20/30/50 ratio of mustard/ketchup/horseradish and stroke it as fast as you can untill the mayonaise squirts out. Then consume.
#5
Well I owe you a crit so here goes:

1. Try spacing it out more, it was difficult to get a sense of flow or structure with the way you'd displayed it.

The song isn't bad but it suffers from an immense amount of cliche. For example:
"I'm so in love with you". Definitely think of a more creative way to express that.

I liked pre-chorus 2 most as it seemed more original, especially the "angel in disguise" line. That was good. Take away "you're my baby" that sounds like some ridiculous 50 Cent line, and stop referring to the song as actually being as a song. If you're going to go with the "this is a song" feeling, it has to be throughout the lyrics or you'll just sound odd.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#6
I agree with break me in it needs to be spaces out more, so it can be read easier

"So maybe you think i'm crazy, but my love for you isn't maybe......" im not sure if this line quite works, i don't like the idea of maybe repeated twice in the same line, and i can't see the second part of it fitting easily into a rhythm.

other than that i really like it, well done
#7
Although it is writtern with lot of emotion . Some of the lines are cliche . Please insert some
line breaks in it . Some of the lines don't flow well also but it can be me maybe i'm not singing it in right melody.Just tweak some lines here and there.

Overall it's ok with music it will sound good . Lyrically nothing new


Hi