#1
Well my last one clearly wasn't of interest to you folks, so maybe this one will get a bit more attention. C4C (I really shouldn't even need to say that anymore-it should go without saying). Anyways. I just wrote this. Enjoy.

You've got about a dozen reasons why you don't need to try
Running around the showroom like you've already won
Nothing else to do but sit back and watch the fireworks
This is your time, and I can tell you're ready for it

I can hear them talking; While,
you float around that dance floor; You've
got a crowd around you, I
don't think you even realize
I know this song can take a while
But after they've all gone,
I've made an eternal promise;
I'll be waiting on the sidelines

Took a walk down Bucks place only to find you laying
at the top of that senile creek where we used to meet
I can still hear that same song drifting through the air
If this is how you want it I'll be waiting on the outside

I've listened to them talking; While,
you float around that dance floor; You've
caused a disturbance, I
don't think its crossed your mind
I know you get wrapped up in these things
But they'll never quite understand

(but) Fortunately for you, I haven't got a clue
and I'll believe everything you say
Maybe we should take some time, shed a little light
And we can end this masquerade

I can't go on, picking off the pieces before they fall
I've never been good with rhythm,
so I can't keep the beat even if I tried
You can only repeat a song so many times
#2
Good job! I like it, I could really see a picture while reading this
Quote by Seryaph
You need to douse it in a 20/30/50 ratio of mustard/ketchup/horseradish and stroke it as fast as you can untill the mayonaise squirts out. Then consume.
#3
I honestly can't find any faults with this. Fantastic. Well done. I'd ask you to crit mine ("Sentences", https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=684492) but since this is such a useless, short crit, don't feel too obliged.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

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LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
Last edited by break-me-in at Oct 4, 2007,
#5
Thanks for the responses guys. I'll take a look at both of yours, see if anything stands out to me.

Seriously though, anybody have any suggestions?