#1
They called this death at one point
And now it's considered just a dream
But I can tell it's real
When the sun comes up and makes me scream
My skin is melting off
As the crowds come by to take their spoils
But you
I'll never let them take you away

How many throats do I have to drink
Before I can quench this deadly thirst?
How many nights will I have to cry
Before this becomes best from worst?
How many people have to die
Before I can love you?

You ask me if I’ll die for you
But you never realize
Every second of my life
I’ve been passing with flying colors of black
As I rot alone from day to day
No one will ever love an anomaly with fangs

How many throats do I have to drink
Before I can quench this deadly thirst?
How many nights will I have to cry
Before this becomes best from worst?
How many people have to die
Before I can love you?

When will this all collapse beneath me?
They tell me you won’t always accept me
They I’m merely the latest chapter
Of your Romeo-Juliet razorblade romance
They’ll never understand why you won’t let me sink
Back into my grave where they say I belong
But I never want you to let me die again
I want to be your vampire forever

How many throats do I have to drink
Before I can quench this deadly thirst?
How many nights will I have to cry
Before this becomes best from worst?
How many people have to die
Before I can love you?

How many throats did I have to drink
Before I quenched this deadly thirst?
How many nights did I have to cry
Before this became best from worst?
All these people had to die
But I’ll always love you
Quote by Keef-is-king
Seinfeld: The Video Game

It'd be a game about nothing. But it would be fantastic, better than the Sims by far because there would be more jews.
#2
The title is dreadful.
You insult people when you tell them it's a double entendre.
Much better if you'd skipped that part and just started at vampires.

The work itself is much better than the title.
Obviously this is intended as a song, so the expectations for imagery aren't as great as they are in a poem. This one still does fairly well, though. I'm not into the vampire/occult thing, and I'm not good at critiquing songs, so other than the title, there's nothing else I can help you with.

Cheers,
SYK
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
Last edited by SomeoneYouKnew at Oct 5, 2007,
#3
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
The title is dreadful.
You insult people when you tell them it's a double entendre.
Much better if you'd skipped that part and just started at vampires.

The work itself is much better than the title.
Obviously this is intended as a song, so the expectations for imagery aren't as great as they are in a poem. This one still does fairly well, though. I'm not into the vampire/occult thing, and I'm not good at critiquing songs, so other than the title, there's nothing else I can help you with.

Cheers,
SYK


Thanks for the crit, I appreciate it.

And yeah, you're right about the title. I didn't see it until you showed me though, so thanks a bunch.
Quote by Keef-is-king
Seinfeld: The Video Game

It'd be a game about nothing. But it would be fantastic, better than the Sims by far because there would be more jews.