#1
Pretty dark ****, what u all think, just off the top of my head.

pants of a dying breath
from a dead soul
held tight to the cold heart
of a restless soul
aching to be forgiven
for misery once mistaken
taken out of the soul of a man

the man ran here and there
provided for people everywhere
but one small flaw
the downcasting reciept
threw this man into utter defeat

here he lies
encased in flies
soul wandering forevermore
amoungst the dead
because of the hole in his head
after his snakes skin shed
as that daughter bled
and died that night
cut up in the shed.
#2
I like it, flows nicely. The only problems i can see is that the rhyming seems to be quite random and im not sure about using soul so closely together in the first verse.