#1
Living With a Bomb (c)

Verse1:
Home alone, broken bone.
Things aren't working out.
Telephone, what's bad is shown.
How much time have I got?

Chorus:
Please let me bleed out,
go and tell the crowd.
There's no way they can save me,
they should not be proud.

Verse2:
And what if the time runs out,
what if I explode?
Will You be there and shout;
"He used to live with a bomb"

Chorus(repeat a few times):
Please let me bleed out,
go and tell the crowd.
There's no way they can save me,
they should not be proud.

(all rights reserved)
Quote by Moggan13
Serjem is like a Bishops testicals: Swollen
ಠ_ಠ
IIIIfb * KARKOLI * ytIIII(mostly rock... a little funky, a little hard just the way you want it )
#2
Seems a bit basic, I'm not really feeling it. Sorry, but This isn't working for me. Try to expand a bit, maybe with a bridge or something.
#4
Nothing wrong with a simple pop/rock song, don't listen to the pricks who tell you it's not complex enough. I like it, think it would make a cool song, and we don't all need to write insanely poetic lyrics all the time.

No real improvements to make, although I'd say the verses might be a bit short if you make it into a song.

It would be nice if you'd crit mine... https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=684492
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


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Last edited by break-me-in at Oct 6, 2007,
#5
Good song for what's there, maybe add a little more, too much repeating. Maybe one more verse. I'd listen to it, assuming the music to it was good.
Your head slowly caves in from the compression
#7
ok.. i'm going to add a bridge or something.... but where should i put it?.. after the 2nd verse?
Quote by Moggan13
Serjem is like a Bishops testicals: Swollen
ಠ_ಠ
IIIIfb * KARKOLI * ytIIII(mostly rock... a little funky, a little hard just the way you want it )
#8
Hmmm i think the problem here is it needs to be expanded a little....think of a bomb....it starts off fairly small....then....BOOM!!....and it's expanded and pieces of it are everywhere...lol.......thought that was appropriate considering the title....XD...

Dan
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#9
Simple is good. What you have here is good lyrics for a contemporary pop/punk ish sort of song.
Nothing wrong with it.
what comes up comes out