#1
Any constructive criticism appreciated. Leave a link and ill get you back.

Through thick and thin I'd surmount, I'd win,
Chief optimism on my side.
No fault or flaw would render me frail,
From nothing would I hide.
Strings did ring, words did sing,
Their song not a moment too long.
In regards to knowledge, it drew me far,
But the artist's steady hand was wrong.

Superstition scared and scarred,
You could say I hoped for bad.
Proved only to me that reason is scarce,
Along with dexterity and fads.
Opinions reshaped my routine views,
For the better, but it was by far the worst.
The worst thing that I've ever done
Was allow others to change what I thirst.

Occasions unfolded with endless awe,
Daylight and twilight the same.
The minute hand rose and fell,
Ignorance ignored, such a shame.
"Challenges are sought on a daily base",
It's true though it seemed so cliche.
The cost of change is turns of time,
So cheap compared to the pennies wished away.
#2
Any constructive criticism appreciated. Leave a link and ill get you back.

Through thick and thin I'd surmount, I'd win,
Chief optimism on my side.
No fault or flaw would render me frail,
From nothing would I hide.
Strings did ring, words did sing,
Their song not a moment too long.
In regards to knowledge, it drew me far,
But the artist's steady hand was wrong.

I like the alliteration in the first two lines ("thick and thin", though its a bit cliche...and "Fault or flaw...frail") and your rhyme scheme. Nice imagery too.


Superstition scared and scarred,
You could say I hoped for bad.
Proved only to me that reason is scarce,
Along with dexterity and fads.
Opinions reshaped my routine views,
For the better, but it was by far the worst.
The worst thing that I've ever done
Was allow others to change what I thirst.
Really nice; I'm not too sure what this means, I have a general idea, but whatever it is, it flows pretty good. I like the line "reason is scarce," but it seems you go a different way when you say fads are scarce-- I would've figured you meant the opposite but it's your piece, and you go where you like with it.


Occasions unfolded with endless awe,
Daylight and twilight the same.
The minute hand rose and fell,
Ignorance ignored, such a shame.
"Challenges are sought on a daily base",
It's true though it seemed so cliche.
The cost of change is turns of time,
So cheap compared to the pennies wished away.

Very nicely worded, especially "the cost of change is turns of time;" again, I like the internal alliteration; this shows how you can really work the language of a song to be so complex but keep the flow perfectly. The last line drags a bit though for me.

Overall, very good. Stay away from cliche lines though ("for better or for worse", "through thick and thin"), but otherwise I can't really point out flaws. Some lines run a bit long or short- like they're a syllable off- but that's not a big deal. Great work and thanks for the crit.
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If not all of us, at least him.

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