#1
This is a work in progress, I'm not entirely happy with it yet. 'Even the angels weep' -

Raise your axe high
Hear the raven cry
See the way they are
Like a burnt out star

Fall asleep
Even the angels weep
Watch them cry
Everything ends and everything dies

Into the endless we ride
Leaving the light behind
We seek glory
We seek blood
Shut your eyes in silence

Fall asleep
Even the angels weep
Watch them cry
Everything ends and everything dies

On wings as black as deaths
A raven cries at the twilight
One last chance
As the clock hits midnight

I feel like and eastern wolf in the western woods
Lead me to the horse-mans grave
Fall asleep
Even the angels weep
Even the angels weep

Wait until the end of time
When the clock hits midnight
Even the angels weep
Raise your chalice my brother
Raise it high
To catch the fire that falls from the sky
#2
Quote by Bal_Sagoth

Raise your axe high
Hear the raven cry
See the way they are
Like a burnt out star

The rhyming here sounds just a little forced.

Fall asleep doesn't fit right. You need another syllable or two in there
Even the angels weep
Watch them cry
Everything ends and everything dies

Into the endless we ride
Leaving the light behind
We seek glory
We seek blood
Shut your eyes in silence

I really like this stanza. Change nothing.

On wings as black as deaths
A raven cries at the twilight
One last chance
As the clock hits midnight

The first line doesn't make sense. It sounds like a needless attempt to be "dark"

I feel like and eastern wolf in the western woods
Lead me to the horse-mans grave
Fall asleep
Even the angels weep
Even the angels weep

I like the first line there, but the horse-man part seems a little out of the blue, and doesn't make much sense. That would be ok, but it sounds bad too. Replace it.

Wait until the end of time
When the clock hits midnight
Even the angels weep

Not bad, not good. Cliched. Doesn't quite hit the mark but there's nothing particularly bad about it.


It sounds a little cheesy and cliched, in a Power-metal sort of way. But it's not bad.

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=684492
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


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#3
I like it, but I don't think it flows too well, some parts flow one way, some parts flow differently, and some don't flow at all.

Fall asleep
Even the angels weep
Watch them cry
Everything ends and everything dies


I think you should change the last line to "Everything ends and dies." Flows much better this way.
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